Saturday, February 14, 2009

Bucking tradition

I love flowers. Chocolate. Thoughtful cards. And going out to nice dinners. But I despise Valentine's Day with a passion that grows yearly.

It's not even the pressure of the day, that you must be completely romantic and wear red or pink and have an exchange of gifts on a random day in February.

No, I hate that this day is completely meaningless to me and IC. It's not the day we met, not the day we started dating, not the day we got engaged, it's just nothing. Love is special and intimate and original to the two people involved. Valentine's Day is a holiday for the masses to celebrate their love. It has nothing to do with us, and I want no part of it.

Similarly, there are a lot of parts to a wedding that have nothing to do with the couple and while I know some of these things are traditional, we're going to skip them.

One thing we're skipping is bridal shower/bachelor/bachelorette parties. We love our friends but hate the idea of having some sort of last hurrah (or, worse, some brunch with all women where all the attention is on me while I open presents and ooh and ahh. Could not be less me.) before getting married. What does it have to do with our marriage? And why can't we have hurrahs after we're married? And why do these kinds of parties have to be gender-specific. Most of my friends are male, how could I leave them out? Also, our wedding is 3 days long with all of our friends and family. If that's not a hurrah, what is?

And on the same note, we're not having a bridal party, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen. Only our families will be under the chuppah with us, or family as bridal party if you will. We plan to involve our friends in other ways, we may ask seven of them to read the Sheva Brachot during the ceremony, two of them will sign the Ketubah and the reception will be all about celebrating with them. But we're trying to keep the actual ceremony focused on each other and don't want to get distracted by what's usually done.

It's easy in wedding planning, and in life, to get carried about by what must be and to lose focus off each other. IC and are trying to be very conscious of that. And, no, we'll never, ever celebrate Valentine's Day. Ever.


  1. Hi Karol, totally agree with you about bridal parties, and that was one of the reasons we got married abroad. David would have had to choose his "best" man from a big group of equally close mates, and my chosen bridesmaids would have been meeting each other for the first time at my hen night, none of which lends itself to a stress-free time for the bride and groom! Best of luck in doing things your way, you'll never regret it Bev xx

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  3. One word of tiny little advice, my sister also didn't have bride maids or groomsmen, and it was awesome and intimate. The only people under the chuppa were family. Saying all that, I was her unofficial maid of honor, because there were little emergencies than needed to be taken care off (like tying up her bustle after the ceremony). Designate someone (maybe your future sister-in-law?)to be the person you turn to for little things to be done during the whole event.