I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink. I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink.

I'm not stressing. I'm not. Really.

I used to be a real night owl. I'd stay up till morning, watch the sun come up. Sometimes I was out, sometimes I was playing poker and sometimes I was just sitting on my couch with my laptop.

But that all changed with IC. He goes to sleep on the early side and I found that I liked going to sleep then too. 12:30 lights out with my man? I'm in.

But now I can't seem to get to sleep. I can't turn off my brain. I'm exhausted yet wide awake. I work out and drink wine with dinner, normally a potent combination which leads immediately to bed, and nothing is helping me sleep.

I refuse to call it stress. Stress is for people with real problems, people living in war-torn countries, people who worry about their next meal, not for people who decide 4 weeks out from their wedding that, actually, maybe choosing a reggae song for our first dance was not our finest idea. And, eh, maybe we should just let the dj wing it after all (no, that won't actually happen, but putting the music list together is hard). And, oh, hey, go spend 30 minutes picking out a ring that you'll wear for the rest of your life. And my trainer is kicking my ass, and our moms haven't chosen their dresses, and my brother still needs a suit, and IC isn't 100% on his suit, and we haven't booked a florist or a cake-maker yet and apparently that's plain crazy, and our venue hotel is only fully opening this weekend, and I haven't gotten my dress altered yet, or figured out our rehearsal dinner, and I don't have a veil. Oh and the rabbi is flaking out. And we still need to order a ketubah. And I hope they spelled our names right on the yarmulkes.

I try to focus. I'm marrying my best friend, in a heartstoppingly (again, I'm an immigrant who makes up words) beautiful setting, surrounded by family and the closest of friends. We want this. The thought of spending our lives together makes us giddy.

The rational side of me is like "go to sleep, crazy, the bakers in Turks&Caicos aren't going to answer your question at 2:56am." I realize I accomplish nothing with these late nights except killing part of my morning tomorrow. But the buzz in my head won't quiet. I guess that's what the honeymoon is for. And if we knew where we were honeymooning, I'm sure I'd find solace in looking forward to it. :-)