We chose Turks & Caicos for our wedding for many reasons. It's beautiful, secluded yet accessible and just generally fit a lot of our criteria for a destination.
The one big drawback, for us, was that there was no rabbi on Turks & Caicos. We were so surprised by this. There are Jews everywhere. Even in Kabul, Afghanistan there were two synagogues (of course, there were also only two Jews in Kabul and they hated each other and each went to their own synagogue--true story, google it). There are Chabad Houses all over the world. But none in Turks & Caicos. So close to Miami! Who could believe it?
While neither of us is very religious, we did want a Jewish wedding and pretty specifically wanted it to be either Conservative or Orthodox instead of Reform.
We started looking for a rabbi but ran into a problem right away. Our wedding is on a Monday and everyone flies home on Tuesday. Passover begins on Wednesday and most rabbis just couldn't get away then.
My mom suggested we contact a rabbi she knows very well, one who performed my brother's Bar Mitzvah. He asked to meet with us and IC took to him like a house on fire. He was perfect, with the dry wit and humor that IC was seeking. He also seemed very wise. And then he said "you asked me for a rabbi to perform your marriage. I can not say then 'I am that rabbi!'" We were like "no, you totally can." But he was fairly adamant that he'd find us someone else. He suggested some funky, bohemian rabbi thinking that that was what we wanted (he called us "sophisticated" like 3 times. We both giggled.). But we didn't, we wanted him.
We gave up on that rabbi and moved on. We priced flights from Aruba to Turks & Caicos as we had met an amazing rabbi on that island over new years. It was madly expensive. We looked at Rabbirentals.com. No, I'm not kidding. I contacted two other rabbis who I had heard lecture in the past. While I was waiting for an answer, our rabbi called and agreed to do it.
We're so happy about it! We love the fact that he has a real connection to my family and also the connection between him and IC was really amazing. It's the perfect fit and we couldn't be happier.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tell me whatchoo want
You know that song "Puttin' on the Ritz" (as opposed to the Mase song I quote in my subject line)? There's this line in it to which I've always felt some relation: "spending every dime, for a wonderful time." The rest of the song, about dressing up like million dollar troopers, trying hard to look like Gary Cooper, not so much. That is to say, that while some girls covet bags, shoes and clothes, I always liked spending most of my money on travel, restaurants, and general experiences over objects (the exceptions to this are bathing suits, sunglasses, books and skin care products). A wonderful time, in other words.
This has proven to be a bit of an issue when registering for wedding gifts. We weren't going to register at all, partly because I find it kind of tacky to ask for specific wedding gifts, and partly because giving money in lieu of actual presents is customary in both of our cultures (mine Russian, his Israeli, both New Yorkers where cash is the norm) (Sidenote: yes, I realize I just called registering tacky but my culture says cash in an envelope is ok). Also, IC and I are both in our 30's and we've had our own apartments for some time, we already have a toaster, a blender, and two fondue pots!
But people started asking for our registry and, encouraged by comments I received when I asked for advice on whether to do it, IC and I took a trip to Bloomingdale's to register. Three hours later, we had about four items on our registry, none of which we wanted all that badly. We made a slightly better list on Amazon though, honestly, if we really wanted a hamper wouldn't we have bought it already?
So, we started looking into a honeymoon registry. But there are some major problems with that too. For one thing, most of the honeymoon registering sites take a big cut of the guest's contribution. Why would we let our guests give 9% (or more!) commission to a site who is really just passing cash along to us? Also, we don't really know where we're honeymooning yet. We're planning to look into various Cays in Turks & Caicos, but haven't narrowed it down at all yet. Ambergris Cay, Salt Cay, Pine Cay, or maybe none of the above. So we can't even ask for specific items because we don't know what items will ultimately be available at our chosen location.
In closing, I don't know how to handle a registry and it's one of the few moments in my life where I really feel the weight of being an immigrant. It seems so odd to me to form a registry but I realize it is expected of us and I don't know how to do it. Suggestions? Thoughts?
This has proven to be a bit of an issue when registering for wedding gifts. We weren't going to register at all, partly because I find it kind of tacky to ask for specific wedding gifts, and partly because giving money in lieu of actual presents is customary in both of our cultures (mine Russian, his Israeli, both New Yorkers where cash is the norm) (Sidenote: yes, I realize I just called registering tacky but my culture says cash in an envelope is ok). Also, IC and I are both in our 30's and we've had our own apartments for some time, we already have a toaster, a blender, and two fondue pots!
But people started asking for our registry and, encouraged by comments I received when I asked for advice on whether to do it, IC and I took a trip to Bloomingdale's to register. Three hours later, we had about four items on our registry, none of which we wanted all that badly. We made a slightly better list on Amazon though, honestly, if we really wanted a hamper wouldn't we have bought it already?
So, we started looking into a honeymoon registry. But there are some major problems with that too. For one thing, most of the honeymoon registering sites take a big cut of the guest's contribution. Why would we let our guests give 9% (or more!) commission to a site who is really just passing cash along to us? Also, we don't really know where we're honeymooning yet. We're planning to look into various Cays in Turks & Caicos, but haven't narrowed it down at all yet. Ambergris Cay, Salt Cay, Pine Cay, or maybe none of the above. So we can't even ask for specific items because we don't know what items will ultimately be available at our chosen location.
In closing, I don't know how to handle a registry and it's one of the few moments in my life where I really feel the weight of being an immigrant. It seems so odd to me to form a registry but I realize it is expected of us and I don't know how to do it. Suggestions? Thoughts?
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Sit down
I haven't been able to sleep. I've been hopping out of bed super early with my mind racing, all wedding all the time.
I have to admit, when brides have made a comment like that to me in the past, I really didn't sympathize. Don't worry, princess, your hair will be styled just so and you'll have the exact shade of teal tableclothes your little heart desires. But I'm not thinking of menu wording or seat cards. I'm not considering whether we'll have the talked-about after-party bonfire on the beach with a s'mores station. That's all fun planning, and I hope that part comes later.
Right now it's all airline offer codes, and fighting for group deals, and having to ask people whether they will attend despite the fact that invitations haven't gone out yet (this is actually as much for them as for us. Airline prices are madly fluctuating and we're starting to get afraid that when people start booking for our specific dates, they'll really spike).
Other examples of unfun issues we're dealing with right now include, but are not limited to that we still don't have a rabbi, and when we do find a rabbi to fly in he'll need kosher meals and where do we find that in Providenciales? IC has some concerns about the dance floor space (he thinks it's too small and we may end up renting a dancefloor to put right on the beach). IC still needs a suit. The invitations are ordered but the reply cards still need designing and printing. There are a million boring, annoying details to think about and my mind is buzzing all the time with every last one of them.
I need a break so on this early Saturday morning I want to blog about something frivilous and fun. And by fun, I mean funner that airline problems.
Reception tables.
I really like long tables. It feels very family and festive to have a long table full of your friends. Small round tables lead to people only hanging out with those around them. I wanted to make more of a cohesiveness between all the guests as they are spending a whole weekend together.
I got this image from Tropicaldmc.com, a destination wedding planning company in Turks&Caicos (we're not using a wedding planner, at least not yet, because all of the details thus far are not something anyone but myself or IC could handle without a lot of guidance). I like the U-shaped look but I think I'd prefer to have seats all along the inside of the U as well:
I love this look, from Martha Stewart. In a perfect situation, I'd love to have one very, very long table to fit all of our guests. It's not possible, though, for our location, the measurements of the location don't allow it:
Also from Martha Stewart, this is really pretty but I don't think high centerpieces work for long tables. I want people across from each other to be able to see and talk to each other with nothing in their way:
Two more long table examples, the top one from Martha Stewart, the bottom one from Blogger Brides.
Now, as I said earlier in this post, I am completely not up to thinking about anything like this yet. Maybe our venue only has round tables and if so, whatever, round table us up! I'll live, and live well. But there's something about picturing how I'd like things to look on our wedding day that makes me really happy. Even if things don't work out as I've pictured them, just the act of daydreaming while I'm working on all the aforementioned boring details brings me a little joy.
I have to admit, when brides have made a comment like that to me in the past, I really didn't sympathize. Don't worry, princess, your hair will be styled just so and you'll have the exact shade of teal tableclothes your little heart desires. But I'm not thinking of menu wording or seat cards. I'm not considering whether we'll have the talked-about after-party bonfire on the beach with a s'mores station. That's all fun planning, and I hope that part comes later.
Right now it's all airline offer codes, and fighting for group deals, and having to ask people whether they will attend despite the fact that invitations haven't gone out yet (this is actually as much for them as for us. Airline prices are madly fluctuating and we're starting to get afraid that when people start booking for our specific dates, they'll really spike).
Other examples of unfun issues we're dealing with right now include, but are not limited to that we still don't have a rabbi, and when we do find a rabbi to fly in he'll need kosher meals and where do we find that in Providenciales? IC has some concerns about the dance floor space (he thinks it's too small and we may end up renting a dancefloor to put right on the beach). IC still needs a suit. The invitations are ordered but the reply cards still need designing and printing. There are a million boring, annoying details to think about and my mind is buzzing all the time with every last one of them.
I need a break so on this early Saturday morning I want to blog about something frivilous and fun. And by fun, I mean funner that airline problems.
Reception tables.
I really like long tables. It feels very family and festive to have a long table full of your friends. Small round tables lead to people only hanging out with those around them. I wanted to make more of a cohesiveness between all the guests as they are spending a whole weekend together.
I got this image from Tropicaldmc.com, a destination wedding planning company in Turks&Caicos (we're not using a wedding planner, at least not yet, because all of the details thus far are not something anyone but myself or IC could handle without a lot of guidance). I like the U-shaped look but I think I'd prefer to have seats all along the inside of the U as well:
I love this look, from Martha Stewart. In a perfect situation, I'd love to have one very, very long table to fit all of our guests. It's not possible, though, for our location, the measurements of the location don't allow it:
Also from Martha Stewart, this is really pretty but I don't think high centerpieces work for long tables. I want people across from each other to be able to see and talk to each other with nothing in their way:
Two more long table examples, the top one from Martha Stewart, the bottom one from Blogger Brides.
Now, as I said earlier in this post, I am completely not up to thinking about anything like this yet. Maybe our venue only has round tables and if so, whatever, round table us up! I'll live, and live well. But there's something about picturing how I'd like things to look on our wedding day that makes me really happy. Even if things don't work out as I've pictured them, just the act of daydreaming while I'm working on all the aforementioned boring details brings me a little joy.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Picture it
Even though IC proposed at the end of September, and even though we're getting married two months from today, we're planning to do an engagement photography session this weekend. I only learned that such a thing existed in December or so. I love, love, love pictures, so once I found out about the concept of engagement photographs, I wanted it and wanted it bad. The problem has been that despite the global warming we were promised, the weather has been frickin' freezin'. This Sunday, though, it's supposed to be in the 50's (that's like summer at this point) and sunny. We think we have a photographer we like that will do it at a reasonable price. Once he confirms, I'll link to his work to show you all. Update: It's Dave from DMoment Photography. Check out his work here. We particularly liked his engagement photos. He also blogs here.
The only consideration, really, is where to do it. We want to do it somewhere meaningful to us. We live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, pretty close to Central Park. And while I'm sure that if we decide to do it in the park it will be beautiful, I wish I could think of something a little more original.
We spend a lot of our summer on the beach in Atlantic Beach or Long Beach in Long Island, so I half-thought about doing it there, but figure with the wedding happening in Turks & Caicos, we'll have enough beach shots.
I would, of course, love to do it in Brooklyn, on the boardwalk, on the beach, in the streets, whatever, because, well, that's the best borough, but IC has some crazy Queens dedication that I'll never fully understand. So that brings us back to our neighborhood. The best idea I've got is to take some shots on the little island where Amsterdam and Broadway meet as we can see this island from our apartment. These are shots taken from our window of the island:
But even still, how many shots can we take on that island?
So, I'm looking for suggestions from New Yorkers on picture-taking ideas. Primarily we're interested in the Upper West Side but I suppose we're open to a bit of travel if it's something really cool.
And if we end up in Central Park it's not the end of the world. I just want some pro pictures of me and my baby, to remember this beautiful time when everything was hectic and insane, but we took the time out to document our love for each other and our anticipation of our future.
Suggest me up in the comment section if you're not barfing too hard over the last paragraph.
The only consideration, really, is where to do it. We want to do it somewhere meaningful to us. We live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, pretty close to Central Park. And while I'm sure that if we decide to do it in the park it will be beautiful, I wish I could think of something a little more original.
We spend a lot of our summer on the beach in Atlantic Beach or Long Beach in Long Island, so I half-thought about doing it there, but figure with the wedding happening in Turks & Caicos, we'll have enough beach shots.
I would, of course, love to do it in Brooklyn, on the boardwalk, on the beach, in the streets, whatever, because, well, that's the best borough, but IC has some crazy Queens dedication that I'll never fully understand. So that brings us back to our neighborhood. The best idea I've got is to take some shots on the little island where Amsterdam and Broadway meet as we can see this island from our apartment. These are shots taken from our window of the island:
But even still, how many shots can we take on that island?
So, I'm looking for suggestions from New Yorkers on picture-taking ideas. Primarily we're interested in the Upper West Side but I suppose we're open to a bit of travel if it's something really cool.
And if we end up in Central Park it's not the end of the world. I just want some pro pictures of me and my baby, to remember this beautiful time when everything was hectic and insane, but we took the time out to document our love for each other and our anticipation of our future.
Suggest me up in the comment section if you're not barfing too hard over the last paragraph.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Final chapter: My dress search, a story in many parts
I did it, I got the dress.
Despite my post below, I actually wasn't very optimistic. The last Kleinfeld's sample sale was a bust. I tried on a few dresses, they were all too small, or ugly, or "wait, that's the sale price?". And also, while my mom hasn't been the world's most useful mother-of-the-bride (bless her but "every bride is beautiful" is just not helpful when shopping for a gown), the fact that she wasn't with us that time just made it unlikely I was going to get my dress. She might not have a strong opinion but I felt like I needed her thumbs-up on it.
I got there at 3pm, when doors opened, and both moms were waiting for me near the front of the line. We were number 56 and they were letting in 6 girls or so at a time. The line was very long behind us.
I chose 3 dresses to try on. The first was a Pnina. It's like I just couldn't give up on it. It was too small, and not nearly as *wow* as my original Pnina love.
The second dress was Aire, and it wasn't something I'd normally pick off the rack but I put it on, it fit perfectly, and I quite loved it. It felt very Caribbean. And it was cheap! Marked $1100 and 20% off! I mean, it's sick that that is considered cheap, but all you ladies who have bought wedding gowns feel me on this, I know you do, under a grand for a wedding gown, it's a bargain! This is not exactly it, but close, especially the skirt part:
So I'm thinking, wow, ok, I could totally do this dress. It's white, I really wanted ivory, but two months out of the wedding date and at this low, low price, whatevs! Should I even bother trying on the last dress? Eh, why not.
It's an Edgardo Bonilla. When my mom and the sales lady zipped it up, it was so obvious. This. Is. It. For those following along at home, I had no dress, no dress, no dress and then TWO dresses! But the Edgardo one was just more like the picture that had now formed in my head of what I would look like on my wedding day. The Aire one was definitely workable, but the Edgardo one was it.
I'm not going to post a photo, I actually don't have one of me in it because, duh, Kleinfeld's doesn't allow photographs and I can't find the image online anyway, but also because IC is adamant that he doesn't want to see it and I don't want to ruin the surprise for him. But I will say that it's ivory, and it's a classic, classic dress. Really beautiful and simple. There are some wild gowns over on Edgardo's site but this is not one of them. It's strapless but has like a beaded shrug attached to it. I'm going to make it detachable and wear the shrug under the chuppah and then just be strapless the rest of the night.
The major thing I'm feeling right now is WHEW. I just need some small alterations but no more bridal sales, no more running around. In total I visited about 15 bridal salons and tried on about 60 dresses. Our long national nightmare is over, I have found my gown.
Despite my post below, I actually wasn't very optimistic. The last Kleinfeld's sample sale was a bust. I tried on a few dresses, they were all too small, or ugly, or "wait, that's the sale price?". And also, while my mom hasn't been the world's most useful mother-of-the-bride (bless her but "every bride is beautiful" is just not helpful when shopping for a gown), the fact that she wasn't with us that time just made it unlikely I was going to get my dress. She might not have a strong opinion but I felt like I needed her thumbs-up on it.
I got there at 3pm, when doors opened, and both moms were waiting for me near the front of the line. We were number 56 and they were letting in 6 girls or so at a time. The line was very long behind us.
I chose 3 dresses to try on. The first was a Pnina. It's like I just couldn't give up on it. It was too small, and not nearly as *wow* as my original Pnina love.
The second dress was Aire, and it wasn't something I'd normally pick off the rack but I put it on, it fit perfectly, and I quite loved it. It felt very Caribbean. And it was cheap! Marked $1100 and 20% off! I mean, it's sick that that is considered cheap, but all you ladies who have bought wedding gowns feel me on this, I know you do, under a grand for a wedding gown, it's a bargain! This is not exactly it, but close, especially the skirt part:
So I'm thinking, wow, ok, I could totally do this dress. It's white, I really wanted ivory, but two months out of the wedding date and at this low, low price, whatevs! Should I even bother trying on the last dress? Eh, why not.
It's an Edgardo Bonilla. When my mom and the sales lady zipped it up, it was so obvious. This. Is. It. For those following along at home, I had no dress, no dress, no dress and then TWO dresses! But the Edgardo one was just more like the picture that had now formed in my head of what I would look like on my wedding day. The Aire one was definitely workable, but the Edgardo one was it.
I'm not going to post a photo, I actually don't have one of me in it because, duh, Kleinfeld's doesn't allow photographs and I can't find the image online anyway, but also because IC is adamant that he doesn't want to see it and I don't want to ruin the surprise for him. But I will say that it's ivory, and it's a classic, classic dress. Really beautiful and simple. There are some wild gowns over on Edgardo's site but this is not one of them. It's strapless but has like a beaded shrug attached to it. I'm going to make it detachable and wear the shrug under the chuppah and then just be strapless the rest of the night.
The major thing I'm feeling right now is WHEW. I just need some small alterations but no more bridal sales, no more running around. In total I visited about 15 bridal salons and tried on about 60 dresses. Our long national nightmare is over, I have found my gown.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I have a good feeling about this one.
The title of this post is what I say to IC's mom right before we go on a dress-seeking excursion. I said it last Saturday when we woke up bright and early to go to the Saks in Short Hills, lured by a 50% off Bridal Sample Sale advertised on the Saks website. "I have a good feeling about this one," I said as she smiled hopefully at me.
When we got there, though, my good feeling faded. There were no dresses. I don't mean there were no dresses for me, in my size or in my style, there were NO dresses. Saks is closing all of its bridal salons with the exception of NY and Beverly Hills so all the dresses from around the country were to be shipped here and sold at 50% off. I don't know why there were no dresses, or why the Saks website led me to believe there would be. I just knew that that day was not going to be the day when I find my dress.
I actually went to the Saks bridal sale in New York--alone and twice. Both times I only had about an hour. Most of the dresses were bridal size 10, which are street size 6, and therefore just a smidge too small on me. It's completely frustrating trying on dresses that are too small, and the ones I found that did fit me just didn't work. It's also amazing that I'd still be paying like 3 grand for a dress at these bargain sample sales. The idea that I pay that much for a dress and it isn't perfect, well, it haunts me. I'd rather spend that money on other things; vacations, good restaurants, fancy bath products, a freaking car, anything else but a dress that I don't love that I'll only wear once.
Of course, having said all this, I have a good feeling about this one: I'm meeting both moms to head over to Kleinfeld's for their sample sale today. Of course there happens to be a blizzard outside and it's my busiest work day of the month but, I have a good feeling. Maybe it will just be there, at a low, low price and fit me perfectly. Maybe. You know, if there are any dresses there, any at all, it will have been more of a success than our last trip. So maybe that's the only win for which I should be hoping.
When we got there, though, my good feeling faded. There were no dresses. I don't mean there were no dresses for me, in my size or in my style, there were NO dresses. Saks is closing all of its bridal salons with the exception of NY and Beverly Hills so all the dresses from around the country were to be shipped here and sold at 50% off. I don't know why there were no dresses, or why the Saks website led me to believe there would be. I just knew that that day was not going to be the day when I find my dress.
I actually went to the Saks bridal sale in New York--alone and twice. Both times I only had about an hour. Most of the dresses were bridal size 10, which are street size 6, and therefore just a smidge too small on me. It's completely frustrating trying on dresses that are too small, and the ones I found that did fit me just didn't work. It's also amazing that I'd still be paying like 3 grand for a dress at these bargain sample sales. The idea that I pay that much for a dress and it isn't perfect, well, it haunts me. I'd rather spend that money on other things; vacations, good restaurants, fancy bath products, a freaking car, anything else but a dress that I don't love that I'll only wear once.
Of course, having said all this, I have a good feeling about this one: I'm meeting both moms to head over to Kleinfeld's for their sample sale today. Of course there happens to be a blizzard outside and it's my busiest work day of the month but, I have a good feeling. Maybe it will just be there, at a low, low price and fit me perfectly. Maybe. You know, if there are any dresses there, any at all, it will have been more of a success than our last trip. So maybe that's the only win for which I should be hoping.
Monday, February 2, 2009
It's done. Ish.
We're getting the contract today and the wedding date is set as April 6, 2009. Our guests will be invited for April 4-7 to Providenciales, Turks & Caicos. "Provo" to those in the know.
I'm suddenly gun-shy about publicly revealing the name of the location. I don't know what I imagine will happen; an uninvited guest will fly to T&C to crash our wedding? With all those Russians and Israelis there? Probably not. But I noticed that many wedding blogs don't give away the name of their venue and I wonder if there isn't something to that. What do you all think? Have I just let IC make me paranoid about sharing too much on the interweb?
I'm suddenly gun-shy about publicly revealing the name of the location. I don't know what I imagine will happen; an uninvited guest will fly to T&C to crash our wedding? With all those Russians and Israelis there? Probably not. But I noticed that many wedding blogs don't give away the name of their venue and I wonder if there isn't something to that. What do you all think? Have I just let IC make me paranoid about sharing too much on the interweb?
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