Wedding Planning Is Killing Me

I'm over here now

2010-07-15T10:30:00.001-04:00

Our daughter Sadie was born February 5, 2010. My new baby blog is 212 Baby. Please come visit.

Something new

2009-09-24T15:19:00.002-04:00

I'm going to be starting a new blog, a spin-off of this one. I'll keep you all posted.

View from Parrot Cay

2009-05-26T12:15:00.006-04:00

When thinking about our honeymoon, IC and I figured that by the time our wedding was over, we will have been on Turks&Caicos for 7 days. This led us to conclude that we should only honeymoon for 2 nights since, what, we'd be sick of being in paradise by then? I don't know but looking back our calculations seem...misguided. I remember leading the charge of "let's only stay on for 2 extra nights" and in retrospect I am just baffled at my reasoning. We got there on Thursday, the wedding was on Monday, our day-after shoot was on Tuesday and we left for our honeymoon on Wednesday. In what universe did it make sense to come home on Friday? (Don't cry for us, Argentina, we've already taken a second honeymoon-esque type trip to LA and are planning to be in Israel this summer. Still, who leaves before the weekend begins!?).

Sidenote mostly for Trip Advisor folks visiting my page: We made a great little discovery with booking this honeymoon. None of the major travel sites, including Parrot Cay's own site, would let us book for less than 3 nights. But the site Tablet Hotels let us book for the two nights and had the cheapest rate and upgraded our room because we joined their Tablet Plus service (it was $195 for the year and a Parrot Cay next-level-up room was $200+ more per night, a no-brainer).

Anyway, the honeymoon recap:

The day we left for our honeymoon was the first cloudy, cold, drizzly day of our entire trip. The weather for the entire wedding weekend was just glorious, perfect, so we were ok with having the first not-great day be after all the guests left. The Parrot Cay bus picked us up from the Gansevoort and took us to their private dock. They gave us warm towels and beverages while we waited for the boat. (That thing wrapped in paper by IC's thigh is our cake-topper. He didn't let that thing out of his sight).

They had a model of Parrot Cay at the dock:

Then the boat arrived and the ride began:

It took about 40 minutes. The ride was kind of choppy due to weather but not too bad:

When we get to Parrot Cay, we were greeted by a woman in a golf cart who took us to the main building:

She drove us through the lush, beautiful property:

Traffic jam:

We were greeted with rum punch drinks while we waited for our room key. The main house was cute and rustic:

When we got to our room, well, that was rustic too:

Frankly, we thought the room was really weak. It wasn't even the fact that the room was very bare, or that the mini-bar was on the balcony, or that the air conditioner would turn off by sensor when the balcony door was opened, or that there was no wi-fi in the room and I'm a certified internet junkie. It was the little things. The sheets and the towels were terrible. The bed was really uncomfortable. The shower was old-looking and lacked water pressure. We kept wondering if we were disappointed in the room because we had just come from staying in the most incredible room of all time but the fact is we expected better for the price we were paying. We'd expect better from a random Sheraton and this was the world-famous Parrot Cay.

The property is beautiful, the food is terrific and the service is outstanding. But the rooms are a real downer and I swear we are normally the type of people who don't care much for the room. But when the bed is bad, it starts the day off wrong. Plus, the price to stay at Parrot Cay is so high that it really should be more luxurious. I understand they go for a retreat/rustic sort of vibe but that doesn't mean the sheets need to feel like sandpaper or that the towels should be worse than Holiday Inn.

Anyway, the weather was still not cooperating so we just took a long walk around the property and along the empty beach:

We sat on a rock at one end of the beach, kissed a lot and stared at our new rings:

We were all alone on the beach, it felt like the end of the earth:

We had drinks at the pool bar. The drinks were outrageously priced but very delicious:

We ate dinner that night at the casual pool-side restaurant. It was realllllllly good. The food was just terrific, I don't have a single complaint about it.

I was still feeling bridal and rocking the all-white:

The next day the weather was better. Still a little cloudy and windy but warmer. This is where we had breakfast:

We lounged on the still mostly-empty beach, then moved to the beautiful infinity pool:

They make drinks goooooood:

They also had cute little touches like someone bringing around popsicles while you lay by the pool.

Then we had massage appointments at the Como Shambhala spa. The massage was great, and the space is very beautiful.

So, remember when I said that the weather was better but it was still cloudy and windy? Well, you know how when it's cloudy and windy you may not realize how hot the sun is and be less diligent than normal in your sunscreen application? Yeah. That happened to us. We were little tomatoes after our massages. I'd post photos of us miserable and red lounging on our balconies but IC doesn't want to be reminded to it so instead I'll just show you our last sunset on Parrot Cay:

That night we had dinner at their more formal restaurant, also incredible.

And the next day we went home, married, rested and completely in love with Turks&Caicos and each other.

We'll be back, maybe for our one-year anniversary, and maybe we'll invite the 65 people who watched us wed to join us. Or maybe we'll just run off on our own. :-)

I hope you've enjoyed reading my recaps. I'm happy to answer questions for any prospective T&C brides.

Trash. That. Dress. April 7, 2009

2009-05-22T14:21:00.002-04:00

Before I knew anything about what our wedding would be like, I knew I was trashing the dress. Why try to keep perfect a dress you will never wear again when you can get some amazing photos out of it?

All the photos in this post were taken by the fabulous Matthew Szlakowicz unless otherwise indicated:

I envisioned photos on these steps the very first time I saw the Gansevoort Turks&Caicos:

The Gansevoort property just lends itself to beautiful photos:

Then we kicked off our shoes and went on the sand:

Some of our friends were hanging out on the beach watching the shoot.

Ren+Carly took this one (that horse is about to um, release, right by that couple and their dog:

These are from Max+MIchelle:

Back to Matthew's pics:

I wanted to keep my hair and make-up pretty casual but in retrospect I wish I had done more with my hair than just tie it back while it was wet. I think we're going to photoshop out the pieces of hair randomly sticking out of my bun:

If I had to do it over, I'd also have less pics of us kissing. I mean, yeah, yeah, we're married but about half the shots are us lip-locked:

I love the shots where you can see us in the water:

It was an overcast day, the first of the whole trip, so the sunset wasn't that dramatic. Still the colors of the sky were so beautiful:

Other than the pronounced size of my arm, this was my favorite pic of the shoot:

My hair got messier as we got wetter:

But it was so much fun, we didn't care:

I should've had my hair down the whole time! Oh well:

I love this last shot. We look as happy as we were:

That's it for wedding weekend at the Gansevoort posts. Next up, honeymoon at Parrot Cay! Come visit!

Have hope, friends!

2009-05-20T17:01:00.002-04:00

Call me crazy, but I'm just not sure all friendships-that-lead-to-relationships follow this exact pattern.

Hat-tip Petitedov.

Drink up!

2009-05-19T13:26:00.004-04:00

The day-after photo shoot pics, and the write-up of our honeymoon are coming soon, swear.

In the meantime, I've got IC's awesome recipe for margaritas to share with you all. We're not big drinkers, IC and I, but we've definitely been in celebration mode since getting married (we've each gained some poundage with our nonstop eating and drinking to prove it) and this has been a house favorite over at our place.

We've been loving Gran Centenario’s Rosangel Tequila. IC is a huge hibiscus fan and this is the world’s first hibiscus infused tequila. It is completely delicious and a must for our margaritas.

We don't use salt, which I realize is margarita heresy, but I never liked getting a mouth full of salt while drinking my drink. I much prefer sugar.

IC's super fantastic margarita recipe:

Gran Centenario’s Rosangel Tequila
Triple Sec
1 Lime (or more as needed)
Orange wedges
Stirrings Lemon Drop Rimmer Sugar

Basic ratio for Margarita is:
3 oz. Tequila
2 oz. Triple Sec
1 oz. Lime Juice

1. Soak orange slice, cut in thirds, in tequila in a shaker (one slice per drink)
2. Squeeze lime juice into separate cup
3. Add triple sec and lime juice to shaker and.....shake.
4. Moisten rim of glass with lime and dip in lemon drop sugar
5. Add ice and pour in margarita with orange slices

My favorite part is eating up the tequila-soaked oranges left when the drink is done. Enjoy!

April 6, 2009 Reception

2009-05-11T17:03:00.002-04:00

(All wedding photos in this post, unless otherwise indicated, by Matthew Szlakowicz)

While the guests went off to the cocktail hour, IC, our families and I hung back for the pictures. I'm not sure how other brides do it but we didn't see any other way. We were really sad about this not only because we wanted to hang out with our friends and family but also because the food we picked for the cocktail hour sounded so good (Tuna tataki with seaweed salad, Bruschetta with roasted tomato and goat cheese, Spicy beef skewers, Mini steak sandwiches, Brie-n-pear puffs, these are like my favorite foods in the world). The restaurant staff brought us over a few trays of food but I don't remember eating any of it. Apparently the bride has to be in most of the shots. The sun was setting and it was beautiful but I swear we're discussing hors d'oeuvres in these shots:

Well, maybe not in this one:

And then we got to the cocktail hour and all the Israelis in the house immediately began the Hebrew singing and clapping and we had to be like "not yet, not yet, but soon" because we had planned to do the Hebrew dancing right after our first song.

There was about 5 minutes left in the cocktail hour when we got there and we didn't have any of the food which we weren't sad about at the time but are totally sad about today after everyone told us the food was just amazing.

About two days before we left for T&C, we still had not figured out place cards. I've mentioned on this site before that I am not at all creative. I'm mostly practical and, in a pinch, I could tell a good story. But inspired by the bridal blogosphere and, let's face it, Martha Stewart, I came up with the idea to make luggage tags as a combination seating card/favor. I got the tags in Chinatown and bought printable business cards at Staples to stuff into them. Unfortunately, the business cards were too long so the night before we left for the wedding IC and I could be seen on our couch cutting the cards to size and stuffing them in the tags. IC actually came up with the additional creative idea to use a Hebrew-style font on the place cards as a nod to our Judaism and his being born in Israel. The font is calledBen-Zion and we got it on my favorite font website, Da Font. Our wedding planner came up with the idea to hang them on branches and have the table number as a sticker on the back:

This photo from Lauren:

What's funny is that the Hebrew-speaking guests had a really hard time reading the cards because it's Hebrew letters spelling out English words. We hear there was some fun confusion.

Everybody went to sit down and we hung back so we could be "introduced". I didn't really get this concept, because everyone had already seen us at the cocktail hour, but apparently it's what's done. We came in through the corner door and smiled while everyone applauded:

Then we made them all stand back up and watch our first dance. As I blogged about previously, we chose "First day of my life" by Bright Eyes. It fit really well and we enjoyed dancing to it. I had taken the shrug off my dress but had kept the veil on:

And then, oh then, we danced the hora. If you've never been to a Jewish wedding, it goes something like this: people form a circle, hold hands and dance:

The couple is in the middle for a little while:

But then it's sort of a free for all:

The couple link arms and dance around:

Then, people grab the couple by the arm and spin them round and round:

It's actually really fun. Until, and I can't even imagine how someone hundreds of years ago came up with this wacky tradition, they put you on chairs, hoist you in the air and you hang on for your dear life:

Somebody was not holding me straight and I thought I was going to fall off:

But they straightened me out and we survived. Here's a short video of our chair hoist, taken by our friends Vadim+Angela. I like the part where I reach out my hand to my husband and he shakes his head no because he's clutching onto his chair.

Finally it was time to sit down to dinner. At this point, I have to be negative for a minute. I hated the dj. I gave him 6 hours worth of music and asked him not to deviate from that. So when "Everything I do" by Bryan freaking Adams was playing as we sat down to dinner, I was considerably unhappy. "What the hell is this?" I asked IC. I had worked so hard on the playlist to *not* have to hear crap like Bryan Adams. "Do you want me to tell him to turn it off?" IC asked, figuring, I'm sure, that I'd say no. YES, ask him to turn it off. He's lucky it was IC that went over to him instead of me. I'm from Brooklyn, in case y'all don't know. Anyway, the dj sucked. He played the same 3 songs over and over during food time. When we complained to the wedding planner (who had recommended him as some "celebrity" dj on Provo) she said I had not given him enough slow songs. UM, I had given him nearly 2 hours of slow songs. I understood what had happened. I had initially provided him with a list of songs I wanted played. On it, there were only about 10 slow songs. But when I gave him my ipod, several days before the wedding, there was much, much more music on it, as he and I had discussed. He just did not put any effort into looking at what I had given him. You'd think for like $300 an hour he'd do more than just push play on the ipod. You'd think wrong.

ANYWAY, there was vodka on the table and that made everything better. It's a Russian thing, to have a bottle and shot glasses at each table and Bagatelle was good about accommodating us. This photo by Sharon M.:

I hear these were a big hit.

Also customary, we circulated and did shots with the various tables. Pic by Cora:

The food was so good! Here's a pic of our menu by Lauren:

IC and I got one of everything and shared as we do at any other dinner. Everything was great! I particularly loved the mahi-mahi ceviche, IC particularly liked the risotto and the big pieces of shaved parmesan on it. I normally am not into Ceasar salad but loved Bagatelle's version.

Another big hit was our cake topper. IC and I are both poker players and we spent many years playing one-on-one poker together before we began dating. When I suggested to IC we have a cake topper of us playing poker, he was lukewarm to the idea. He gave me a budget of $100 and really didn't care if it happened or not. It was made by Steve at Top-o-the-Cake and it was amazing! IC loved it! It was one of his favorite details of the wedding. He took such good care of that topper and wouldn't let anyone touch it lest they leave finger prints on it--and this was the day after the wedding! IC is doing a chip trick in the topper, I think that's why he loves it so much. Cake-topper pics by Cora:

I love my as-in-real-life red hair, the red bottom on my shoe and the fact that I'm pushing my chips in:

The actual wedding cake was yet another big hit. Made by Diane Guess of Cakes to Di For, many people told us it was the best wedding cake they'd ever had. Pics back to being by Matthew Szlakowicz:

Here's another video by Vadim and Angela of us cutting the cake and me nodding in approval, partly because the cake was delicious and partly because I had told IC that he better not shove the cake in my face as has, for some reason, become customary and he kept me guessing until the last second whether or not he would.

IC's brother Ron and my best friend Laurie gave really beautiful, thoughtful toasts:

I danced with my father to "There for you" by Damian Marley (and asked my brother to invite my mom to the dance floor and join us to include her) and IC danced to "Oof Gazal", a really pretty Hebrew song, with his mom and had his sister join with their father and his brother join with their aunt. I liked that we did that, I never understood the leaving out of the parent based on gender.

We did some more dancing and then before we knew it the reception was over and we were being moved to the beach for the after-party s'mores bonfire. We gave people some time to change into casual clothes and then we all headed to the beach. Some people were too in love with their white linen suit to change:

No one seems to have gotten a photo of the set-up but they had marshmallows and chocolate covered graham crackers for people to make their own s'mores.

Similar to the welcome bbq, people lounged on towels on the sand and on the round couches:

There was more guitar and violin playing

Eventually IC and I peeled away from the group and called it a very, very long day. We had had a great time at our wedding and, ultimately, lazy DJs and pervy rabbis couldn't affect that. We had been surrounded by people who we love, and people who love us. They had watched us promise to be together forever, then ate great food and danced and had a great time. We were so lucky to have our wedding in such a beautiful place but even luckier to have it around such amazing people.

The day after the wedding, I trashed my dress. Photos and story about that coming up. I also plan to write up our honeymoon on Parrot Cay so stay tuned!

April 6, 2009 Ceremony

2009-05-04T12:32:00.007-04:00

(All wedding photos in this post, unless otherwise indicated, by Matthew Szlakowicz)

And then, just as soon as the whirlwind insanity began, it was over. My parents and brother were in the room with me and everyone else had gone. We were just sitting around, waiting.

I saw the chuppah from the balcony and it looked so beautiful:

We had done a super fast walk-through the day before but I was really nervous about getting everyone to the rehearsal dinner so barely had paid attention. We had a sheet though, from the wedding planner we had hired for day-of coordination, that said we were to be ready at 5:25. I forgot if this meant we had to be downstairs at 5:25 or what, so we just kind of waited. A big surprise to me was how calm I was feeling. I was not nervous in the least. I had bought over the counter sleeping pills because everyone told me that getting to sleep the night before your wedding day was near impossible. Maybe it was the hectic schedule or the sea breeze but I slept like a baby. To kill time while we waited I snapped shots of my family:

At 5:30, when no one had called us, we decided to just head downstairs. I stayed back so I wouldn't see IC in case he was hovering in the area. And suddenly, my brother was walking down the aisle, and then me and my parents. It all happened so fast.

Our friend PN was playing the violin for us and the song I had picked to walk down to was Erev Ba, a traditional Hebrew song which you can hear by clicking the link. It sounded so beautiful.

At the end of the path I could see IC and he was just beaming. It made me smile even harder. (The rabbi? I'll get to him in a minute).

When we reached the end of the aisle, IC kissed my mother:

And then my father:

And then lifted my veil:

Instinctively, I moved in for a kiss too and IC said "not yet" and then we both laughed.

We were giggling when we reached the chuppah.

While we were both brought up in the Jewish faith, IC and I are not very religious people. We read a lot about Jewish weddings before ours and tried to do things as close to Jewish tradition as possible. For example, we used a plain gold band, my grandmother's, for me under the chuppah, as you're not allowed to have diamonds or embellishments on the ring. We put the rings on the forefinger and not the ring finger (the fact that we put it on my right hand? Mistake).

I'm fairly sure the couple is not supposed to touch under the chuppah but we held hands the whole time. It was pure instinct and it felt so good to squeeze hands and be connected the whole time. I'm confident G-d will forgive us.

Another mistake was our families outside the chuppah (this photo by Cora):

It's a sore subject but basically they stopped outside the chuppah based on a drawing they had seen by our wedding planner and neither IC nor I corrected in the whirlwind of the moment. They should have been inside with us. The only person actually inside with us was IC's grandfather who we called up to the chuppah in a show of kavod.

You can see that the men in our family are wearing white yarmulkes with light blue lettering. These were hand-made by my mom. The guests got blue yarmulkes, with our names, wedding date and location on the inside, from my favorite Judaica store.

These 2 pics by Cora:

This one by Dawn Summers:

Also, the day before we were leaving for T&C I found myself in Chinatown and bought a bunch of fans to have on the seats in case it was very hot out. I think they were a cute touch but probably not actually necessary. The weather was perfect. From Sharon S.:

IC wants this to be a happy post, so I am spinning off the story of the rabbi into a separate post below. Go check it out.

Now back to our regular scheduled happy tale. We call up our friends Mike and Frank to sign our ketubah, we're wrapped in a tallit, the rabbi gives a Kohanim priestly blessing (we didn't know what this was until later, wouldn't have put it past him to be doing some Star Trek sign), IC breaks the glass on his first try, the crowd cheers "Mazel Tov!"

And then we kiss:

Then we walk like 20 feet:

And turn back around for the group photo and family portraits:

We're married! Us! To each other! We were friends for so long, just years and years of close friendship, of dinners out discussing our respective lives, nights on the couch watching random sports, one-on-one poker at IC's dining room table long after the rest of our friends had called it a night.

April 2006:

It was so obvious and yet not at all obvious.

May 2006:

When we finally looked at each other in that way, it was a dam breaking, there was no holding it back. Day 1 of our relationship we knew it was on a marriage track.

July 2006 (I have a million other photos from a million other years, 2006 was when I started my flickr so I have a lot from that era):

When we told our friends we were together, the most common reaction was "are you messing with me?" followed immediately by "I knew it!"

September 2006:

Our relationship began on Thanksgiving 2007, we told our friends over New Years, we were engaged 10 months later, married 6 months after that. But it's those first 11 years that made us us.

October 2006:

November 2006:

December 2006:

April 2007:

May 2007:

And hey, how many dinners do you still owe me that I won over poker, IC? July 2007:

August 2007:

September 2007:

No idea of the date on this one, maybe like 1999 and this is with our third, Matty:

I've heard the advice, marry your best friend. And I really did. It's been amazing and I think the best is yet to come, spit, spit, touch wood.

We looked on with some degree of jealousy as our guests proceeded to the cocktail hour.

The freaking rabbi

2009-05-04T12:24:00.004-04:00

{And here is where I have to take a moment and get all negative in the midst of this beautiful story. As I've written about on this blog, we had a rabbi from Brooklyn lined up to marry us. He knew my family for many years and we were looking forward to him sealing our union. A month before our wedding, his brother had a stroke. He became his brother's primary caretaker which made it very difficult for him to get away. He assured us that if we couldn't find another rabbi, he would step in and do it. So we started looking. We focused our search on New York, Miami and the Bahamas, three places that have direct flights to Turks&Caicos. Because our wedding was so close to Passover, most rabbis said no. When we looked into who performs most of the Jewish weddings in Nassau, Bahamas, we found it was a rabbi in Miami. We spoke to him on the phone several times and he seemed fine. He had done like 2000 weddings, he seemed to know the drill.

When he arrived in T&C on Sunday, we were waiting for him in the lobby. The front desk person at Gansevoort said "we didn't have a wheelchair for him so the airline provided one for him to use for 2 days." That's...odd. He never mentioned he was in a wheelchair and you'd think that would be something he'd be concerned with. He arrives and homeboy is wearing a black baseball hat that says "RABBI" in bold white letters. O-k.

We take him to lunch and I have a fairly immediate visceral reaction to him. First off, he doesn't need the wheelchair, was just feeling lazy. Then, he tells us some wacko, convoluted story about visiting Petra, Egypt and how much the border guards loved his wife's breasts. I mean, honestly. The breast story goes on and on.

He's rude to the waitstaff, complaining that his fries are cold despite the fact that he ate his burger while, um, his fries got cold. Hello. They actually reheat his fries for him.

We talk a little about the ceremony and we tell him we're looking to keep it fairly traditional. He tells us that when it's time to drink from the wine cup under the chuppah, IC should try to take a sip first so that he can remind him to always let me have the first sip from this point on. Uh, no. IC and I look at each other secure in the knowledge he'll be giving me the first sip.

But whatever, what are we gonna do? This is the only rabbi currently on the island. When he later hits on the beach sports girl or asks our wedding planner to take a shower with him, I can barely contain my disgust. I hate this man. Hate.

Anyway, he actually gives a decent ceremony, telling a story about creation and tying it to the time period of our wedding. We recite our vows and everything is going ok. Then, the rabbi tells IC that he will whisper in his ear what he is to say next into the microphone, what he will be saying to me for the rest of his life. The rabbi whispers something and IC says "yes, dear" into the mic.

Hi, I'm Karol, most of my friends are male and I don't do bullshit gender role jokes. I look at the rabbi and say "that's enough." I'm told I made a motion with my hand across my neck to say "cut" but I don't really remember, can't wait to see the vid! He says "that's enough?" I repeat "that's enough." To his credit, he cuts the shit and completes the ceremony. We're married!!! He calls me Karen somewhere near the end but we're too delirious with happiness to care. Many people tell me later that they loved that I cut him off, that so many rabbis think they're also stand-up comedians and that my cutting him off was so me. I appreciate that, but I do wish it didn't have to happen.}

April 6, 2009 Pre-ceremony

2009-05-01T10:08:00.006-04:00

(All photos in this post by Matthew Szlakowicz)

It was definitely my idea for IC and I to spend the night before our wedding apart. His plan, though, was for me to stay with him until he fell asleep and then I'd move to another bedroom. As awesome as that idea was, that didn't happen. What did happen is that he fell asleep in what was to be my bed, woke up at 8am, and moved to one of the other bedrooms. Then, and this is the best part, when he was leaving the hotel room for the day, he'd yell to me from the other bedroom, thinking this somehow maintained the "not seeing each other before the wedding" superstition.

I didn't have bridesmaids so I wasn't entirely clear on what I should be doing. The hair and make-up lady was coming at 10 to start with guests who had requested her services. I wouldn't have anything going on till about 3. So I went to lay out on the deck, Elizabeth Grant eyepads under my eyes and Crest whitening strips on my teeth, ipod on. I was alerted to someone's presence only when my sun turned mysteriously to shade. It was Matthew, the photographer. Where are the rings, where is the dress, where is the groom? Oh, I did have things I was supposed to be doing? Who knew? My chill time pretty much ended there. I got in the bath and my wedding day began.

There were a lot of people in my room so I decided to head down to the spa for a manicure instead of having someone come up. I like my alone time, even on the day I am to wed. I emailed IC to tell him to avoid the pool area which I'd have to cross to get to the spa. Unfortunately, I accidentally sent the email to his work address and not his personal address which he was checking. So, as I stopped to say hi to some guests by the pool on my way to the spa, I saw IC walking hurriedly on the other side of the pool. We both looked immediately away. So much for not seeing each other. He looked worried to me, which made me worry too. Turned out later that he was rushing around to finish putting together the Hebrew music for the hora part of the reception.

I got a truly phenomenal manicure, Tamika at Exhale Spa rocksssssss! People kept raving about her massages, I didn't get to try but I have to say this was the best manicure I ever got outside of NYC (come on, ladies, admit it, manicures outside NY are...weird).

When I came back to my room, there was a commotion and I heard Matthew yell out "don't freak out!" And then I saw this:

Oh, just my dress hanging on the balcony? Why would that freak me out? Apparently other brides might not like their dress in such a precarious position right before its big moment. I was fine with it. I was probably more nervous about this:

Then I got my hair and make-up done (seriously check out my nails in this shot, so good!):

I was going pretty natural, hair-wise and was in decision mode about whether I wanted a flower in my hair. As for make-up, I thought Shenique did a good job but I'm pretty finicky so when she was done I ended up taking off the eyeliner she had put on me and some of the eyeshadow.

The Matthew took some shots of me:

And I decided to go with the flower in the hair:

I asked Matthew how IC was doing and he assured me he was fine. He showed me a shot he had just taken of my almost-husband:

I couldn't wait to see him. I was so giddy.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

2009-04-29T14:34:00.010-04:00

I've struggled with writing about Day 2 of the wedding weekend because I feel less happy about the rehearsal dinner than about the welcome bbq and reception. It's my own fault, really.

Back when we began our wedding search, I really liked Nikki Beach Turks&Caicos, though I had some doubts. When I went to visit T&C in January, I stayed one night at Windsong (a very cute hotel which had just opened--I was their only guest that night--and which we ultimately didn't choose because they weren't planning on opening a real restaurant on the property and they are quite close to the busiest beach on Provo, the one in front of the Beaches complex) and one night at Nikki.

I liked the Nikki rooms a lot. I'm a sucker for things like the fact that they have Mitchell Gold couches, like we do at home. I also had a really nice meal at their restaurant and found the woman who was helping me, Lisa, to be very pleasant and helpful. It's true that once I saw the Gansevoort property, all other hotels were out of the running, but honestly Nikki didn't even make the short list because of their man-made beach. I didn't feel like I could ask guests to fly to T&C only to have them lounge at a bay like the one that Nikki sits on. I had felt the sand on Grace Bay, soft, white, beautiful and found Nikki's grainy sand to be really lacking.

IC, however, never liked Nikki. He found it completely pretentious and was very resistant to any events being held there. When he and I were in Provo in March, a few weeks before the wedding, we had still yet to choose a rehearsal dinner location (but we knew we wanted it offsite as we wanted to show our guests something other than Gansevoort in Provo). I was pushing for Nikki hard. The Gansevoort has a real "wow" factor, the second you walk onto their property. I felt Nikki, even with their fake beach, had the same thing. This is the view from the lobby in a pic I took in January:

We had dinner at Nikki and IC was not wowed. He thought the place was nice but nothing compared to what he would call "our" hotel. I kind of saw his point. Still, he had not yet seen the best part about Nikki Beach--its phenomenal penthouse. This is half of it:

When he did see the penthouse deck, he did admit it was really something. Still, he resisted. IC is big into cues and when Nikki didn't comp our meal that night he said to me "K, these people don't care if they get our business. It's a terrible economy, no one is traveling, they know we're here to book a party for 65 people, they should've comped our dinner." I was making excuses for them. I mean, they had initially met me when I was looking for somewhere to hold our wedding. They didn't get that business, why should they assume they're getting this?

Anyway, IC gives me what I want and we end up choosing Nikki for our rehearsal dinner. I arrange for a bus to come pick up our guests and Nikki tells me they'll provide us with their "party bus" for our family which fits 10 people.

Also, turned out that the night before our rehearsal dinner, Nikki would be celebrating their one year anniversary with a big party (supposedly 1000 people) featuring a performance by Maxi Priest. "Um, did they tell you they were having this huge party when you were looking to book our wedding there?" IC asked. No, no they hadn't. "So, you're telling me we could've been having, what, our welcome bbq on the night of their wild bash?" I take his point.

The bus for our guests arrives on time and we pile everyone in. No Nikki bus. I call my contact there. She assures me it's on its way. I tell the bus with the guests to leave. 15 minutes late, an SUV arrives. It fits 6. We have 10, as planned. I can't say I maintained my composure all that well. There might have been some F bombs and an irate bride-to-be yelling at the SUV driver to get another car LIKE RIGHT NOW. I was really pissed mostly because IC was right as always, this place did not care about our business.

We got to our rehearsal dinner 45, or so, minutes late. I wasn't going to let the delay bother me. Our guests seemed like they were having a good time. And the space really is beautiful.

From Lauren:

From Yelena:

The rest of the pics in this post are by our amazing photographer Matthew Szlakowicz:

IC rocked his awesome white suit which he had so feared wearing:

I actually had a dress mishap. I had bought this amazing dress at the Barney's warehouse sale back in January and had planned to wear it to the rehearsal dinner. That night, I snipped the tags off, put it on and it was HUGE on me, totally not the form fitting dress I had bought a few months earlier. I know, I know, it's hard to feel very sorry for me, waaaah I'm too skinny, but it was really annoying and extremely lucky that I brought another dress (I had thrown it in the suitcase at the last, last minute).

Anyway, back to the party. I thought the food was pretty average, my shrimp were overcooked, not nearly as good as the two previous meals I had had at Nikki. But ok, it's hard to cook for 65 people. I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Then it got really, really, I mean, really windy:

Our guests were wearing towels to keep warm:

IC asked "you think they don't know how windy it gets up here? Why did they let us do a dinner here?" I was still defending them. I said "it's just a windy night, they had no way of knowing!" Of course, that seemed less likely when we left the party and went downstairs to a totally windless night.

It was a fine event, our guests said nice things about it but if I had to do it over I'd have it somewhere else. I hate complaining about things like this, I mocked myself in a conversation later that weekend about this post (like, waaaah my diamonds don't match with my other diamonds!) so I do get that we're so lucky to be able to have a wedding weekend like the one we had. Still, the girl in me who grew up poor and understands the value of a dollar really feels that everything should be perfect when you're paying what we paid. And it wasn't. We'll live. Wedding ceremony and reception write-up coming up soon!

UPDATE: Email from my husband: I wasn't a big proponent of the place but your post is too tough. Everyone had fun. It had its issues but was good overall.

He's right, it was good overall, I don't want to seem overly harsh but I do want to be honest.

No, really, I'm working on Day 2, I promise

2009-04-29T14:26:00.002-04:00

But in the meantime:

I'm not a Choo girl myself, I find Jimmy's shoes wildly overpriced and quite uncomfortable, but I still may check out the big sale on tomorrow in New York, just to see, ya know?

Drink up

2009-04-28T17:30:00.004-04:00

Only slightly wedding related as I think no wedding is complete without vodka (you'll see what I mean in my write-up of the reception), Three Olives Vodka is having this cool contest where they ask people to upload their "o" face. No, pervs, your other "O" face, as in making an o with your mouth:

You can win $10,000 and a trip to NYC. I'm a fan of their grape vodka, definitely worth checking out this summer as you look for a fruity balance in your hard liquor.

Smooooooooth

2009-04-28T10:46:00.003-04:00

This is not wedding related but when one of the suavest men I've ever met provides a shaving tutorial for men and women, I listen and I link.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

2009-04-27T11:07:00.007-04:00

It was finally here, the official day 1 of our wedding weekend. With the exception of a couple from San Francisco, the rabbi and the photographers, everyone would be on the island by Saturday.

Our welcome event was a barbecue on the beach at the Gansevoort Hotel. The Bagatelle restaurant did all the catering and set-up and did a really great job. All photos by me unless otherwise noted:

The grilled local fish listed in the menu was Mahi Mahi and it bothers me to this day that I didn't get to try it (I was busy and chose to eat hot dogs and hamburgers for reasons unclear to me right now) as it got rave reviews from our guests.

IC and I got there first, and hung out on the Gansevoort's signature round lounge couches waiting for our guests:

It was nice to spend some time together before everyone arrived because it turned out that we barely saw each other for the rest of the bbq. Unlike at, say the wedding reception, we felt like we had to separate and mingle with our guests independently so that we spent a little time with everyone. The music was all-Reggae, selected by IC. We got a million compliments on the music, it was just so perfect and fitting for a beach setting. At one point, though, the random playlist played *our* song, "Love Sponge" by Buju Banton and IC and I could only look over at each other from afar, each engrossed in conversations with different groups of guests.

We timed the BBQ to begin at 6 as sunset was a little after 7 and it proved to be a good idea. The sun setting was really beautiful:

Our official drinks of the bbq were mojitos and cocopolitans, a delicious vodka and rum drink which is Bagatelle's spin on the pina colada. IC is holding my cocopolitan, the only one I had time to have that night, in this shot taken by our friend Carly:

The BBQ would also be the last time I got to take my own pictures which, as I was the bride, I suppose makes sense. I love playing photographer, though, so it was kind of hard for me to let go. My friends did a phenomenal job taking shots (I've collected about 1200 so far and haven't even picked up a zip drive from IC's father containing many, many more).

Some great shots taken by friends:

From Dawn Summers:

The rest are from Cora:

IC+me thanking everyone for joining us for our wedding weekend kick-off:

Toward the end of the night someone got out a guitar and my friend PN played the violin:

The drinks flowed, the music played and everyone definitely seemed like they were having a good time.

IC and I finally found each other toward the end of the night and went back to the round couch, ate dessert and enjoyed the music:

This was the last shot I took to end a beautiful night:

Friday, April 3, 2009

2009-04-24T11:05:00.003-04:00

If Thursday was a day we got to chill, Friday, the day before our wedding weekend would officially begin, was hectic.

First of all, we had not yet worked out our seating chart for the reception dinner. I know, I know, people do this months and years and decades in advance and here we are 3-days out figuring out who will sit where, the horror. The problem was that we had put together a fairly perfect arrangement of 6 tables of 10 or 11 people (we were 65 in total). The restaurant manager, as well as our wedding planner, told us this was just not possible. So we spent all of Friday racking our brains trying to make a different arrangement work. It easily took the whole day. I'm not going to say we weren't a little frustrated when we were eventually told our original layout could work. But whatever, it was done, finally.

Couple that with putting together the gift bags and trying to greet each group of guests as they arrived, we didn't even see the beach until about 4pm when we both couldn't take it anymore and had to go outside. Which kinda sucks cause, did you see the beach? This was a shot of our friends frolicking in the water while we slaved away in the room. Boooooooo:

When we finally made it out we were greeted by happy family and friends and a beautiful sea:

About 40 people were now at the hotel to attend our wedding with about 20 more arriving the next day. Everyone was on their own for dinner but most of our friends waited for us to be done with our errands and our dinner group was something like 14 people. We ended up at Horse-eye Jacks, a casual dining spot which I had visited during my first trip to Provo. Decent food with a conch-heavy menu.

Here's me and my almost-husband after dinner (yes, I got the bag, people, and I LOVE it):

IC had the cutest outfits for every day of our weekend (yes, I picked them out but he was the one who wore them so well). Stay tuned for his BLAW! outfit from our rehearsal dinner.

Rave

2009-04-22T11:21:00.005-04:00

The wedding was here before I knew it so I never got to conclude my series of what went into our awesome gift bags.

First, another word about the gift bags themselves. We got them from Canyon Beachwear, I've written about my love for Canyon before, but I really can't say enough about this amazing company. Not only were their beach bags a huge hit, they included a $25 gift certificate at their stores for all of our guests. I bought two bikinis before the trip, both of which got a "wow" from IC and one of which I'm apparently no longer allowed to wear when I'm not in his presence. Oh the hardships of being married. ;-)

I highly recommend Canyon Beachwear to future destination brides, for the beach bags and the bathing suits. They rock.

I've already told you about some of the things that went into the bags:

--Bath and Body Works True Blue spa products

--Priori Sunblock

--Ocean Potion hair mist

We also included Korres skin care samples. I love their olive face scrub and yoghurt cream!

A last-minute addition to the bags, which was such a big hit I actually had boys asking me for more of them, were Elizabeth Grant eye pads. I lounged on the deck on our wedding day with these under my eyes and felt like a million bucks.

We also included Frommer's phenomenal guides in many of the bags (and tried to give underwater cameras to the rest). I LOVE Frommer's. They are the only ones who make a guide, that I know of, to Turks&Caicos. Some guests got Frommer's Caribbean guides.

I love this next addition--Guests who have kids got this adorable book in their bag:

We also included playing cards, a schedule, a crossword puzzle about us (made here), a Where, When & How magazine about T&C and a Providenciales dining guide (as most guests were either coming before our official dates or staying longer).

Here are some shots of IC putting together the bags:

It was much harder work than it looks and in my next installment of the wedding weekend I'll tell you about how Friday (the day these pics were taken) was the hardest day of our whole trip.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

2009-04-20T16:34:00.007-04:00

I've decided I'm going to go day-by-day in telling the story of our wedding. It just seems easier this way, and less daunting.

The official wedding dates were April 4-7, 2009, with the wedding happening on April 6, 2009. We chose this date for one major reason: there was no other choice. Jews can't get married in the 40-day period immediately following Passover, which this year began on April 8. By the time that's over, it's May and A) Russians have some superstition about getting married in May, and B) it just might be too hot to have a wedding in the Caribbean. We could have tried for March but it would've given us even less time (as it was we organized the whole thing in under 3 months) to plan and less time for our guests to figure out their own plans. We didn't want to wait until next year or worse, start again with the research for a non-Caribbean location. As for why it was on a Monday--As Jews, we can't get married on Friday after sundown or Saturday before sundown, rendering these days fairly impossible. Then, April 6 turned out to be Palm Sunday. Maybe it wouldn't have ultimately mattered but in our initial search of wedding vendors in T&C, many of them mentioned that it was a holiday and they would have to charge all kinds of overtime fees. So we decided Sat-Tue would be best.

Of course what this meant, ultimately, was that nearly everyone who attended our wedding arrived in Turks&Caicos on Thursday and Friday anyway.

We took the Thursday direct flight with 9 of our friends and a baby (which belongs to two of the previously mentioned 9 friends, not a random baby). Three other guests arrived in Provo later in the afternoon.

I love taking shots of Provo as we approach. The plane flies so low and the water is a million shades of blue and green:

We landed in Provo and the line snaked through customs. We thought about the fact that two flights were landing within minutes of each other on both Friday and Saturday and hoped their wait wouldn't be too long.

After we got our bags, Gansevoort had sent someone to pick up IC and I as well as our guests.

When we reached Gansevoort, it was even more beautiful than it had been three weeks prior. They had put some finishing touches on it and it just looked spectacular. The view from the lobby is just stunning. I'm afraid my photo can do it no justice:

They greeted us with drinks and showed us to our rooms:

Ok, seriously. I've stayed in hot hotel rooms before, I swear. IC and I had a presidential suite in Aruba over New Years which featured two balconies. We've both traveled and seen some really sick places (on my list of amazing rooms: Bahia del Duque in Tenerife, Ciragan Palace in Istanbul, various wow-inducing Vegas hotel rooms). And nothing, nothing, nothing has ever been half as phat as the penthouse suite at the Gansevoort Hotel Turks&Caicos. It's a 3-bedroom suite with panoramic windows and a wrap-around terrace with a plunge pool. Seriously.

The rest of the photos in this post were taken by our friend Cora.

This is IC and I messing around shortly after arrival. You can see one of the bedrooms in the background (and the kitchen on the right in the second one):

Some of the balcony (I'd say these two shots show a little more than 2/3rds of the balcony, there's yet another little lounge area that's not shown):

IC checking out the plunge pool:

Me and IC, just so happy to be there:

Thursday was easily our most chilled-out day despite the fact that we had meetings with our cake maker, the restaurant manager and the wedding coordinator we had hired to do day-of coordination. We spent the day on the beach with our friends and then all of us went out to dinner at Bay Bistro, a very recommendable restaurant.

Providenciales is a very expensive place but the biggest rip-off in all of Provo are the taxis. There were 11 of us and the cab cost $10 per person roundtrip for a 5 minute ride. It only got worse from there. Subsequent cab rides were $10 each way the rest of the weekend. Cab drivers should be living like kings down there. Not to get political on this blog but the protectionist laws in Provo make it so hotels aren't allowed to offer airport pick-up and drop-off to their guests, instead they have to use taxi services and the hotels just pay for the taxis. I don't know, even in this world economy, I'm a free market kind of girl. I don't like government using its heft to protect businesses which would otherwise fail.

Anyway, Bay Bistro was great and we capped the night off in our suite, hanging out with our friends and looking forward to the weekend ahead.

UPDATE:

I found two more shots of our room that I took that I just had to share:

Our Song

2009-04-20T10:59:00.007-04:00

The #1 question I've been getting from people about the wedding has been: so what did you ultimately pick for your song?

Well.

I'd love to tell you that we talked it over and just magically reached consensus.

That did not happen.

What did happen is that the night before the wedding, I pulled IC out of bed (seriously, at that point he was basically saying "you can have any song you want, just leave me alone") and made him try out our three songs. They were "Dance me to the end of love" by Leonard Cohen (his choice), a remake of "Love Sponge" by my friend Cindy (my choice) and "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes (the song we initially had agreed on but then couldn't dance to).

Turned out, wow, we can't dance to anything.

We had taken one dance class figuring we'd just get some moves before the wedding and that was ultimately what was causing our difficulty. While we had always been able to hold and sway with the best of them, we suddenly found ourselves concentrating on some kind of box step with a dip at the end.

We gave up on that and went back to just being us, two people who have danced together a million times over their 11 years of friendship and knew how to do it. No box step necessary, but maybe we'll keep the dip.

In our hotel room, we tried dancing to "Dance me to the end of love". Awful. I love this song, and I'm half-sorry that IC didn't get his way (although in the morning we found out that our close friends, who also had a destination wedding which we both attended and which had been the impetus for us eventually deciding on our destination wedding, had had it as their first song so I'm other-half-not-sorry we didn't choose it). It's just a very grand, majestic song and you can't just rock to it. You need a dance routine or something. We did not have a routine and we were getting married in 16 hours. So finally, finally, IC gave up the ghost and we scratched "Dance me to the end of love" off of our list. We agreed it would be the last song of the night. Too bad for us the DJ decided on a different song (note to future T&C brides, if anyone describes your dj as a "celebrity" dj, run.) But that is a story for another day.

Then we tried "Love Sponge" by Cindy. She made us a beautiful song. She took "our" song, Love Sponge by Buju Banton and de-reggaefied it, made it a slow, beautiful ballad. And while we did dance to it later in the wedding night, we didn't choose it for our first song. It just didn't fit exactly, it wasn't us.

And then we went back to the previously rebuffed Bright Eyes song "First day of my life". And it worked! The lyrics just fit us so beautifully and it felt so right. So we went with it, we chose it, and we loved dancing to it on a beautiful Turks&Caicos night.

(We actually had the DJ cut off the very last line of the song, the only part of the song that IC and I didn't like. We don't get why Conor Oberst has to add a screamy kind of line--"I really think you like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" to an otherwise beautiful love song).

Soooooon

2009-04-16T13:57:00.002-04:00

Ok, ok, ok, I'm still not back to blogging, and now NY is having 70 degree weather making it very hard to concentrate, but I did put something up on my poker blog (yes, I have a lot of blogs) that is very much wedding-related. Check it out here.

We're back!

2009-04-14T15:06:00.006-04:00

I'm still on major wedding overload (I've gone through several thousand photos from our photogs and the guests at this point) so it'll be another day or two before I get back to serious blogging (and it will be serious, I have a lot to say). The wedding was amazing, I'll have lots of pictures and details up soon.

I never revealed the location and now that it's over I'd like to tell you all about the Gansevoort Turks&Caicos where we held our wedding. It was PHENOMENAL. The place is just stunning and the people there made our wedding a wild success. I've had a bunch of prospective T&C brides contact me for information on T&C and I really can't recommend Gansevoort enough. It's breathtaking! Some pics of our unbelieveable hotel (the pics do it no justice, you can not be prepared for its beauty) follow.

This is the view from the lobby, taken by our friend Lauren. It is completely wow-inducing:

Also by Lauren, a pic of her room. I'll show you guys our just unreal penthouse suite in future posts:

This is a view from one of the rooms taken by Sharon S. All but seven of the Gansevoort rooms are ocean-front. The seven are overlooking the pool and still have a view of the ocean:

This one is from Sharon M., a view of the buildings from the beach. The beach looks crowded but really, our wedding brought the crowd. We added 65 people who were at the beach almost the whole time. There's tons of room on the beach, it's actually the widest stretch of beach in Provo:

The pool is just outrageous. I'm so not a pool person but it was the most welcoming, inviting, beautiful pool you ever did see. I ended up swimming in it twice and I never swim in pools when there's an ocean right there. Here are two pics by our friend Cora:

Also taken by Cora, the living room of a 1-bedroom suite:

Two amazing shots of the beach:

And me on the first night we got there, the Thursday before our Monday wedding (the sky is so beautiful in the shot that we're going to overlook that I somehow got white marks on my dress):

It wasn't just beautiful. We got the comment from several guests that it was the most beautiful hotel they'd ever been to. And from a well-traveled group of mostly Russians and Israelis, that's really saying something.

I also have to say something about Bagatelle restaurant, the restaurant at the Gansevoort which hosted our welcome beach bbq as well as our reception dinner (pictures of everything to follow). They worked their collective butts off for us. They made sure everything was exactly how we wanted it. They just did a really terrific job and I highly recommend them to future T&C brides.

More to come, stay tuned!

I'm getting married tomorrow

2009-04-05T12:28:00.001-04:00

And I'm not supposed to be blogging but I had to share the beauty.

Last night:

Right now:

Probably the best marriage advice I've ever heard

2009-04-01T09:40:00.005-04:00

I picked up my wedding dress yesterday. It's perfect, though I seriously can't lose one more pound if I'd like it to hang on me correctly. You never think about that part, or I never do, that a dress can be too big with all the pre-wedding gym and dieting. IC pointed out this meant I could eat anything I want in Turks. Except, I eat anything I want now, under my patent-pending weightloss system.

But this is not a post about weight or dresses.

After I picked up my dress, I hailed a cab. I got in and the cabbie said, in a thick Israeli accent, "excuse me, can I ask you a question? Is this a wedding dress?"

I said that it was.

"Ohhhhhh! You getting married?"

Yep, this weekend. Well, Monday, really.

"Oh that's wonderful! Marriage is so wonderful! I've been married to my wife for 40 years and I still run home to her at the end of every night. She's stunning, STUNNING! When I met her, she was 19 and didn't know anything. That's the only way I got her. If I had met her two years later there is no way she would have gone out with me. She agreed to a date with me and when I came home from that date I told my mother there is no way this gorgeous girl will go out with me again. She was stunning! She's still stunning! Here, look at her picture. She's 60! Isn't she beautiful!."

She is very beautiful.

"When she agreed to a second date I almost fell on the floor. The whole date I was planning how to get her to marry me. She's so amazing, she makes the best home! She always looks good. She always smells good. Here, smell this, I carry around her perfume so I can smell it throughout the day."

He takes a deep breath of it and looks delirious with happiness.

"She is just everything. Do you want me to tell you the secret of a great marriage? I'll tell you, I hope you don't get offended, but anyway I'll probably never see you again."

Tell me.

"The secret of a great marriage is this: 23 1/2 hours a day, I worship her, I do anything she says, she is the boss, she is a goddess. For 30 minutes a day, in the bedroom, I am the boss and she gives me everything. I'm not joking, men are shmucks, we're not very complicated. All we need is 30 minutes a day where you make us feel like a man and that's it. Do that, and you will have a very happy life together"

Torn

2009-03-31T13:07:00.006-04:00

I'm a total bargain shopper.

I buy most of my clothes twice a year at the Barney's Warehouse Sale. I shop sales and consignment shops. I'm all about Century 21 and Loehmann's. I love a good deal.

This is all to say that while I may love my Louboutins, my awesome new Manolos or any number of designer things in my closet, ain't no way I'm paying full price for anything. Ever. Not even in the same universe as full-price.

Except, well. I really need a bag to carry over my wedding weekend. And I've looked at sales, and Off-5th, and at my favorite rich lady consignment shops on the upper east side. But I haven't found one that works. So I'm thinking, for the first time in my life, of buying something that I find to be insanely priced. But look at it, it's glorious (not sure yet what color I prefer so I'll show you both that I'm considering):

And...it's like $1200. I get sick thinking of blowing that kind of money on a bag. It's so not me! But Balenciaga has had a hold on me for awhile. It's the only bag I ever notice anyone carrying and the only bag I've coveted. So do I just bite the bullet and get it? In the grand vision of the wedding, $1200 seems but a blip. But in real life, $1200 is a weekend getaway to Vegas or the Caribbean, something I appreciate much more than objects.

Urg! Do I give in to wedding insanity and just do it?

Updates

2009-03-30T11:49:00.010-04:00

I've noticed I write about problems I'm having and then never mention if they've gotten resolved. Here's a synopsis:

We got a rabbi! He's more of less the official rabbi of the Bahamas, he's based in Miami and willing to come to Turks&Caicos to marry us. It's a done deal, ticket booked and everything.

My brother found a suit. We did a trip to Woodbury Commons outlets and he got an Armani linen suit. It's off-white and kind of gangsta. Now he's blowing up my phone about what kind of shoes and shirt he needs. Not on my to-do list, dude.

Weight. I did 5 hours with a personal trainer over the last few weeks and have lost about 5 pounds. I haven't hit my goal of 10 but it's more than the 3 I needed to lose.

I had questions, you had answers. Our moms will have corsages, I still have no idea how many centerpieces we'll need (but it's ok, my wedding planner is on it and they are being ordered today/tomorrow), I'm acknowledging gifts if I see the person, not calling or emailing otherwise, I'm not using a runner (unless I change my mind by tomorrow and rush out to get one somewhere in NYC) and my heel in boardwalk problem is being solved by the amazing Solemates product.

We still don't have a first dance song! On our way back from Turks&Caicos a few weeks ago, my ipod froze for the first time in its existence. It froze on the song "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes. When it unfroze and I listened to the song, I was sure it was a sign. The song is PERFECT. And IC actually approved, which is crazy because "Bright Eyes" is the band name he uses to laugh at mopey British singers on my ipod (yes, I know Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes isn't British, IC does not), like "who is this, Bright Eyes?". Anyway, we both agreed, this song is perfect. And then we tried dancing to it. Seriously, the word disaster doesn't really begin to cover it. People will be looking away in horror. You can't even sway to this song really, the beat is just impossible. My friend's sister is still working on covering that reggae song for us and what we've heard so far is beautiful, but we don't have the completed version yet and so are still looking for another song. I may have to give in to IC's Leonard Cohen song. Maybe.

I chose the diamond, shared prong wedding band. It's gorgeous. I keep taking it out of the box and trying it on and just loving it. I can't wait till it's on my finger permanently. And the veil, as mentioned two posts ago, is being made for me by my new seamstress.

The cake was ordered during our trip to Provo a few weeks ago. The cake-maker assures me she won't need 6 months to bake it.

We still don't have a honeymoon location but we're getting closer.

On music, we're still following my philosophy of choosing all the songs. We put together playlists of every single song we want played at every wedding related event. For the actual reception, we will have a dj but he will be instructed to play only the songs on the list. Still no Madonna but I let in one Britney song for my cutie future sister-in-law.

Products of the Day

2009-03-30T10:07:00.005-04:00

I've been really loving Bath&Body Works True Blue Spa products. These are three of my favorite things:

The Lay It On Thick moisturizer does such a good job with my super-dry skin, the Heel of Approval foot treatment leaves my feet super soft and the Watch Your Mouth lip balm has spf in it and is so unsticky IC will actually kiss me when I'm wearing it (not so for nearly every other lip product, it's no coincidence I don't wear lipstick, or even my beloved lip gloss, anymore).

One of these products will be included in each gift bag for our guests. They are all perfect for people spending a few days at the beach.

The one where I curse a lot but much less than I actually did at the time

2009-03-28T00:14:00.008-04:00

Right away I knew things were bad. It was a small tell, really. I looked in my mom's car window and could see my dress. "Uhhhhhhh, why the hell is my dress visible through the bag? What happened to the opaque bag I gave you?"

"I guess the seamstress switched bags. What's the big deal?" asked my, bless her, totally immigrant mother who knows zero about wedding traditions.

"The big deal is that IC is not supposed to see my dress and as we live together and are traveling to Turks together on Thursday, that's going to be a problem with a see-through bag." I'd like to say I didn't use the "f" word somewhere in there. I really, really would.

What's funny is that I was already pissed off. And nothing all that bad had happened yet. It was like my body was preparing me for what was to come. Like, what kind of professional wedding dress seamstress doesn't know the whole "don't return my dress to me in a clear bag" rule? I knew, without really knowing.

We got upstairs and took the dress out of the bag.

I had asked that the shrug attached to the dress be made detachable so I could wear it under the chuppah but remove it for the reception.

It wasn't.

I had asked for cups to be sewn into the dress.

There were no cups.

I had asked for a bustle.

There was some random, ugly hook attached to my otherwise beautiful row of buttons on the back of my dress.

In short, if I had altered my own dress, having never sewn, knitted or otherwise constructed or altered a piece of clothing in my life, I might have come up with this type of bustle.

The lining had a very visible tear in it.

And there were FUCKING SAFETY PINS holding my dress onto the hanger.

That's about when I lost it. I don't feel like I had ever *burst* into tears before but seeing the total disaster of a dress that had been returned to me after alterations, I was left with no other choice. So burst I did.

At that point, IC rang the doorbell. I tried to wipe my tears because yo, I'm not crying over a dress but as soon as I saw him I just started crying harder. "The dress...is all fucked up."

"Hey. Heyyyyy. Baby. Baaaaaaby. It's ok, tell me what's wrong."

"The shrug, still attached, the lining is ripped, there are saaaaaaafetyyyyyyy piiiiiiiiiins in my dress."

"Baby, it's ok, it's ok. We're still getting married, right?"

And then I burst into a smile. I was bursting a lot.

Then IC took control of the situation. We found the list Kleinfeld's had given me when I bought the dress, of people they recommend to do alterations. Why didn't I use the list in the first place? Well, because my otherwise awesome mom had assured me that she had a lady in Brooklyn who was the most amazing seamstress of all time and she did wedding dresses all the time and I should totally take my dress to her. So I did. And if the woman has ever handled a wedding dress before in her life then I feel bad for all those brides. Because she sucks. Not just sucks a little. I could forgive fucking up the bustle, despite the fact that the horrendous fashion in which she fucked it up is unforgivable. But she clearly cared not at all about any of my other requests and I consider it a small miracle that she got the length right at all.

I was going to call her and bitch her out but honestly, I wouldn't want to be the seamstress when my mom goes to see her tomorrow. My mom may be small and cute and sweet but MAN, stay out of her way when she's been wronged.

IC called a seamstress on the list and made an appointment for me for two hours later.

In the car with my mom on the way to the Seamstress Savior, she could not stop raving about IC. "What a man! The way he takes care of you, looks at you, talks to you. It's just amazing. I've never seen such love." And while she was saying that IC texted me something absurdly sweet and I almost started crying again.

The new seamstress seemed entirely capable, showed me a few different types of bustles and recommended one (as opposed to the other seamstress who just assured me she would make one which was fine with me as I assumed that meant she knew what she was doing. Not so much.) and assured me she'd have the dress back to me by Tuesday, maybe even Monday. It's cutting it close but as the alternative is the dress as it currently is, I'll take it. Oh, and bonus, she makes veils, so I'm not going to have to mad scramble to find one this weekend.

The theme of a lot of my posts have been "a lot has gone wrong but it looks like things are going to be alright." My friend Dawn refers to this as "everything always works out for Karol." The fact is, it's not that things magically work out, just that I choose to focus on the positive and disregard the negative. The positive is that the love of my life, the guy with whom I laugh my head off and share food and argue about gun control and drink wine and read the same books and play one-on-one poker, who is sleeping next to me on our couch as I type this and looks so cute I want to leave bite marks in his cheek, is also the guy who takes care of me and has the right words when I'm upset and can make me feel good with just a look. If I get all that at the end of the day, how much can I really care about pin marks in my dress? So yeah, things may well work out if we're on a plane to Turks&Caicos on Thursday and then we're married on Monday. Things just might be ok.

Yet another reason why this blog exists

2009-03-27T10:48:00.007-04:00

I posted some questions a few posts below and got some excellent, thoughtful answers from my amazing commenters. One question regarded my fear of getting a heel stuck in the boardwalk which is serving as my "aisle." An anonymous commenter suggested I look into SoleMates, a little plastic piece you put over your heel so it doesn't sink into grass or, in my case, cracks in a boardwalk. GENIUS.

My mom, IC's mom and IC's sister will each be attaching one to their heels to insure they don't stumble on the boardwalk either.

I'm so excited that a product like this exists. I had a total "America! What a country!" moment when I saw that comment.

Solemates has a really useful website which tells you all the places you can buy their incredible invention, or order online. $11.95 to avoid falling down in your wedding dress, or sinking your Louboutins into wet grass? PRICELESS.

How weddings make you want to maim those you love

2009-03-25T10:40:00.005-04:00

Two months ago:
Me: You need to get a light colored suit.
My brother (picture a thick Brooklyn accent): Don't worry 'bout it.

One month ago:
Me: What's up with the suit?
Him: Why you worrying? Stop worrrrrrying. I said I'm on it. You can take it off your list of things to think about.

Two weeks ago:
Me: DUDE. GET. A. SUIT.
Him: Ok, ok, ok, I'm going to spend a whole day looking this weekend.

A week ago:
Me: I'm going to kill you.
Him: It's not my fault! I got sick and I couldn't look and I really need you to help me, waaaaaaaaah.
Me: I took it off my list of things to think about!!!

Product of the Day

2009-03-24T11:03:00.000-04:00

This is another product that I'm including it in the gift bags for our guests because I love it so much. It's Priori's Daily Defense spf 30.

As it's a beach wedding, I really wanted to include a sunblock in the bags and this one is just perfect.I have super sensitive skin but I love to be out in the sun. Priori's Daily Defense 30 is a really terrific face sunscreen. It goes on super light, has a really nice consistency, and it provides sun protection with no pore clogging. It's apparently good for all skin types which made it a great product to include in our bags.

You can check to see where it's sold near you or buy it here. Check out other Priori products here.

I have questions, you have answers?

2009-03-21T11:46:00.000-04:00

1. In the Jewish tradition, IC will be walked down the aisle by both of his parents and then I'll be walked down by both of mine. In that case, do our moms hold a bouquet?

2. How many centerpieces do I need for about 66 people? I asked two flower shops and the answers ranged wildly.

3. We've started receiving gifts. We'll be sending thank you cards after the wedding but do I acknowledge the gifts with a call or email now?

The next couple of questions require visual aids:

This is the path I'll be walking down to get married:

At the end of the path is this boardwalk:

4. Should I get a runner? I'm worried about the bottom of my dress getting destroyed as the path is right by the beach and has no choice but to get dirty. Does it take away from the setting to have a runner?

5. Will my heels get stuck in the boardwalk? Should I not be wearing heels?

Product of the Day

2009-03-20T11:27:00.004-04:00

Like many women, I've used wedding planning as an excuse to get the cutest clothes, the hottest shoes and the best beauty products around. What? It's myyyyyyyyyyy dayyyyyyyyyyyy. (I don't really say that, in fact it would just be too much pressure to have it be my day. I like to share the responsibility, worry, concern, expectation, and happiness with my man). I'm going to be doing a Product of the Day feature to note all the awesome creams, sprays, serums and gels that I have loved during this time.

The first item that I have to recommend is actually something I'll be using during our wedding weekend, as opposed to before. It's Ocean Potion's Color Safe UV Hair Mist. I was at the beach with a friend a few years ago and she sprayed this in her hair. After the beach, we went to eat. My hair looked fried and my scalp was red. Hers? PERFECT. I love this product so much we're including it in the gift bags for all of our guests.

It's really inexpensive for what it is. You can buy it here.

Religious guidance

2009-03-19T13:00:00.005-04:00

Hey, remember when we had a rabbi ready and willing to fly down to Turks&Caicos and marry us? Now, not so much with the having.

Our rabbi has an illness in the family which is making it very hard to get away for two nights. He assures us that if we can't find another rabbi he'll make the trip but that it's very, very difficult for him.

So the search is yet again on for a rabbi. And we're leaving two weeks from today. Awesome, no?

Know of a rabbi in NY (or Miami as there are direct flights from there) willing to fly to Providenciales, Turks&Caicos (PLS) April 5-7? Send me their name, phone or email, and have my eternal gratitude.

A long post about dancing. Or music. Or memory. Or, something.

2009-03-18T09:35:00.020-04:00

IC and I were friends, best friends, for many years before we decided "oh yeah, I love you, let's get married!" Yeah, one of those.

A lot of moments from our platonic past now take on new meaning. Take the first time we met, almost 12 years ago now. Both of us remember it pretty clearly. It was at a bar in the East Village called Opaline. My friend Frank had brought his college friend IC out with our little Brooklyn group. IC was pretty shy but he and I took to each other right away and by the end of the night he had his arm casually draped around me. We both remember one of our first conversations:

Me: So, what kind of music do you listen to?
Him (with a look that implied he was unaware there was any other kind of music): Hip-hop.

I hated hip-hop at the time. Not *hated* actually, more like revolted against. I grew up in Brooklyn, hip-hop was everywhere. I didn't listen to hip-hop but still knew more about it than most people who lived outside of Brooklyn and were casual listeners of it. There was no other option. Hot 97 was the only station anyone ever listened to. On long road trips with friends, I'd negotiate for a different station, or for time for my alternative cds. I never won those battles.

I would fall completely in love with hip-hop years later, while everyone around me was listening to indie rock. Maybe I just like to rebel.

Anyway, back to IC and me. We have lots of songs that we associate with our relationship. Some good ("Homecoming" by Kanye, "Lovestoned" by Justin) some embarrassingly bad ("Do you" by Ne-Yo, "Make me better" by Fabolous), none that would work for our first dance.

One morning, early in our relationship, IC texted me "I don't wanna let you go, with you I'm in no hurry", a line from a Buju Banton song and since then we've considered "Love sponge" to be "our" song. Ever seen two white people (Jews, no less!) get down to a reggae song as their first dance? Neither have we, and we don't want to subject our friends and family to us being the first.

But I love the lyrics to the song. "Slow motion is the way for us to enjoy the day...", "never know you woulda really feel so nice" and, of course, the one IC sent me that day. So I did what any crazy person would do, put an ad on Craigslist for someone to rerecord the song for us. I offered $100 because IC refused to budget anything more for this ("we can just pick a different song!"). And I got zero responses. What recession?

I have musician friends but the one I'm closest to, my awesome, creative friend Jessica, is already playing the violin for us as we walk down the aisle and I didn't feel right asking any more musical favors.

I then got some recommendations from a musician friend of mine and it looks like his sister will record the song for us. She's got a great voice and is very talented.

But the song will only be ready about 4 days before we leave for the wedding. IC is the type that needs a back-up song, just in case ours doesn't work out.

If there was one thing I never, ever thought we'd bicker about in terms of the wedding, I was sure it would be the music. The guy who only likes hip-hop and only has about 10 cds surely isn't going to put his foot down in terms of songs, right? WRONG.

It seems I have expanded IC's musical world. He can now identify many non-hip-hop songs and artists, though he still occasionally confuses Nick Cave with Leonard Cohen and can never seem to call Tom Petty despite having randomly attended his concert many years ago ("I went for the tailgating"). A few months ago, I sent him a link to a Leonard Cohen video. I obsessively love Leonard Cohen. I have, more than once in my life, got the comment "enough with the Leonard Cohen already." IC fell passionately in love with the song. I said that I love it too and we put it on the list to be played as our last song.

But now IC wants it as our first song. And I just don't. I love the song, love the man, just envisioned something a little different for our first dance. Something more like this:

"Too edgy," says IC who, strangely, actually likes Magnetic Fields (he has a real appreciation, as I do, for the songs Underwear and Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side). "I don't want our first dance to be edgy." I've taken to singing it around the house "but IIIIIIIIIII, I love it when you read to me and youuuuuuuuuuuu, you can read me anything." It's not working. "Why can't you just let me have this?" says the guy who never pressures me to do anything. "Because I don't want toooooooooooooo" says the girl who could care less about flowers and colors and ribbons on the backs of chairs but has over 1,000 cds and cares deeply, deeply about music. I had other suggestions, "Ship Song" and "Into My Arms" by Nick Cave. "I don't really like those, what about that duet song he does?" IC said. "'Where the wild roses grow' with Kylie Minogue?" "Yeah." "He kills the girl in that song." "Oh."

So I don't know. Do I just give in to this? Again, I love the song he wants, I do. I just wanted something different. I would give in on almost anything else. Is this compromise in relationships that people keep telling me about?

Nothing a weekend in paradise couldn't fix

2009-03-15T23:05:00.006-04:00

I'm feeling much, much better and am sleeping like a baby. Spending two nights in phenomenal Provo, at our wedding hotel, on a beautiful, secluded beach, with the love of my life, really did the trick:

Being on the island also helped for our peace of mind. Our hotel is gorgeous and ready for our party, cake has been ordered, flowers are close, dj is in the works. We're probably getting a wedding planner to coordinate day-of-wedding activities. Apparently IC doesn't want me directing vendors in my gown. And because he's been using the term "micro-managing" to describe me which is funny because I've never micro-managed anything in my life. I've macro-managed. At best.

I took this one from the airplane on our way home. I remain mesmerized by the beauty of Turks&Caicos and can't wait to return (in under 3 weeks!):

On my head and hand

2009-03-11T03:44:00.017-04:00

I'm on to veils and wedding bands, the kind you wear, not the kind that play music.

Both are proving to be somewhat difficult.

I purchased my dress at a Kleinfeld's sample sale and, while they did have veils on sale that day, I was too distracted by my big purchase, and the fact that I had to get back to work pronto, to care. This was a mistake. I should have tried on some veils while I had my dress on. I don't know how long the veil should be, what color, with beading or without. I do know that I need a blusher to wear under the chuppah. And yes, anyone that knows me knows it's amazing that I'm familiar with the word "blusher."

I took a stroll around NY's garment district today and ended up walking to Pronovias, a bridal salon that I love, to look at veils. But it's really not possible to pick a veil when you're wearing jeans and sneakers.

So what do I do? Do I put my gown on and go veil shopping? Or is this just one of those "don't overthink it" kind of things?

The wedding band is much harder because there is no choice but to overthink. This is the ring I'll wear for the rest of my life. Someday I will have to, I'm told, take off my engagement ring and wear this ring alone. It has to both not take away from my engagement ring and be able to be worn on its own.

I love, love, love, ok one more, love, my engagement ring. LOVE. It's a beautiful cushion-cut diamond on a classic 4-prong platinum band. I'd post a picture but IC will yell at me and call me tacky. But c'mon, how are you guys going to help me if I don't post the pic? I have to, right? You'll all back me up on this when he wakes up in 3 hours and reads this, yeah?

Photo by DMoment Photography.

The photo does no justice to the shiny beauty I get to wear on my finger every day. So what do I get to complement it?

My options seem to have narrowed to two (but feel free to chime in with other ideas). One, a bar setting ring (imagine the diamonds going all the way around the band, though):

Before you dismiss it out of hand, as I would have done before trying it on, recognize that the diamonds in my eventual ring will be smaller than the ones shown. Much smaller, I say. Not much, says IC. (Sidenote: I can't imagine too many men try to talk their chick into getting the bigger diamonds and have their girl refuse. I can't tell if that means IC is the awesomest or I am. I vote me.) Also, the platinum bars look really good with the platinum in my engagement ring. The problem is, I'm not sure that I love this ring on its own. With my engagement ring, very good. Without, less good.

This is the other option, the shared prong option:

More diamond, less platinum, and seemingly the obvious choice. But it looks a bit much with my engagement ring. It does look better on its own than the bar option, though.

After writing all this I realize that I'd love to have some more options for wedding bands so I welcome your suggestions. Veil suggestions also very appreciated. Come on smart people who read this blog, share what you know in the comment section.

I don't watch much TV, is this normal?

2009-03-10T12:09:00.000-04:00

Up late the other night I watched a few episodes of "Bridezilla" on the WE channel (don't judge me). No, I don't feel I have any bridezilla qualities, those girls are nuts. But I noticed that in two different episodes the girls talked about a weight loss product called NV and the camera panned on the bottle while the girl spoke very positively about NV. Is WE doing this kind of product placement? That's kind of uncool if they are, no?

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink. I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink.

2009-03-10T02:31:00.018-04:00

I'm not stressing. I'm not. Really.

I used to be a real night owl. I'd stay up till morning, watch the sun come up. Sometimes I was out, sometimes I was playing poker and sometimes I was just sitting on my couch with my laptop.

But that all changed with IC. He goes to sleep on the early side and I found that I liked going to sleep then too. 12:30 lights out with my man? I'm in.

But now I can't seem to get to sleep. I can't turn off my brain. I'm exhausted yet wide awake. I work out and drink wine with dinner, normally a potent combination which leads immediately to bed, and nothing is helping me sleep.

I refuse to call it stress. Stress is for people with real problems, people living in war-torn countries, people who worry about their next meal, not for people who decide 4 weeks out from their wedding that, actually, maybe choosing a reggae song for our first dance was not our finest idea. And, eh, maybe we should just let the dj wing it after all (no, that won't actually happen, but putting the music list together is hard). And, oh, hey, go spend 30 minutes picking out a ring that you'll wear for the rest of your life. And my trainer is kicking my ass, and our moms haven't chosen their dresses, and my brother still needs a suit, and IC isn't 100% on his suit, and we haven't booked a florist or a cake-maker yet and apparently that's plain crazy, and our venue hotel is only fully opening this weekend, and I haven't gotten my dress altered yet, or figured out our rehearsal dinner, and I don't have a veil. Oh and the rabbi is flaking out. And we still need to order a ketubah. And I hope they spelled our names right on the yarmulkes.

I try to focus. I'm marrying my best friend, in a heartstoppingly (again, I'm an immigrant who makes up words) beautiful setting, surrounded by family and the closest of friends. We want this. The thought of spending our lives together makes us giddy.

The rational side of me is like "go to sleep, crazy, the bakers in Turks&Caicos aren't going to answer your question at 2:56am." I realize I accomplish nothing with these late nights except killing part of my morning tomorrow. But the buzz in my head won't quiet. I guess that's what the honeymoon is for. And if we knew where we were honeymooning, I'm sure I'd find solace in looking forward to it. :-)

Project Invite

2009-03-09T02:01:00.027-04:00

When asked, I say I don't know what got into me. But I kind of do know, it was the bridal blogosphere's fault.

What I mean is, when it came time to decide on invitations I came up with a fairly elaborate idea which required many different pieces AND, and here's the big AND, AND I decided to make them myself (mostly. As you'll see, I had a lot of help. But I mean "make them myself", as opposed to paying someone to make them and deliver them ready-made to my home). Which, was completely insane. I'm pretty sure the last thing I made was circa third grade and involved glued macaroni.

And why? Because as I do with each new hobby or interest (so far: poker, cooking, home design, restaurants, and now wedding) I've become completely immersed in it and read all the blogs associated with said hobby/interest. The wedding blogs, well, they're all freaking adorable. Seriously, click through my blogroll, you will find multiple virtual cheeks to pinch. Cute as pie girls with ultra creative ideas on typeface, on paper, on color, on details, put it all out there for the world to see. I loved every second of it. So when the invitation momentum striked (stroke? What? I'm an immigrant.) I went with it. This is what I came up with:

We found this awesome calligrapher named Jane Dukes. I liked her handwriting a lot and she was super flexible as we arranged everything on the fly (we need 50 invites, um, now that we've actually counted, more like 100). I highly recommend Jane. Visit her website. This is the invite with personal details blanked out:

Jane wrote our invites on something like parchment paper, which we purchased at Kate's Paperie in NYC.

We rolled up the invites and tied them with twine. I bought the twine on ebay because I live in NYC and having never ever had a use for twine before had no idea where else to get it. Seriously, twine.

Then, we put the rolled up invitation in a bottle partially filled with sand and shells, all of which we purchased at this website. The prices were good, the delivery was fast and the only problem was that we had also ordered the boxes for the bottles from the site. The boxes were the perfect size, but for the bottles and the bottles only. We realized too late, um, we need a reply card.

So you'd think, because I've made a complicated invitation I'd keep the reply card simple. Clearly you have not been paying attention when I tell you I lost my damn mind. I found a template for a boarding pass online and my fabulous friend Cora from Cora Designs fixed it up for me.

THEN, I dragged IC to Paper Presentations twice to buy the card stock for the boarding passes, the board pass envelopes, the perforator (spell check still doesn't know but this is something that makes like a dotted line so you can easily rip off part of the paper. I perforated! Me! Actually, I now own not one but two perforators. Don't ask.).

The idea was that people would rip off the right side of the boarding pass and mail it back in a tiny little envelope. Until we found out that the US postal service has rules for how small an envelope can be. We found one that would work and finally, finally we were good to go.

We got the boxes here, like a million percent cheaper than Mailbox Etc. or even the post office. They were lifesavers. I was close to giving up on the whole project when we had such a hard time finding boxes that would work.

We don't have wedding colors, really, but when I have to make a color decision (twine, box filler, yarmulkes, etc.), I've been choosing variations on blue.

My most inspired little detail, and the one I think will probably be mostly overlooked because of all the other cool components of the invite are the Turks&Caicos stamps I bought on ebay and used to decorate the boxes.

Oh, and you can see an address label peeking out in the last pic (I do believe it's Ms.Etypical's, actually). That was another "oh yeah, we need labels for the boxes and oh yeah, we need labels for the return envelopes, they're starting to refer to us by name at the paper store." We used a font that I'm obsessed with called Write Like Jesse which I found on DaFont (a really cool website I discovered by reading the aforementioned adorable bridal blogs). The typewriter font on the boarding passes is also from DaFont, called Rough Typewriter.

Now that it's over I can say it was totally worth it. We got a great reaction from our guests and I loved making our invites unique and different. I don't know how many opportunities I'll get to have such a direct effect on various wedding elements ("So, is it crazy that I'm thinking of buying the flowers and making my own bouquet."-Me "Yes, and let's never speak of this again."-IC) and it was nice to have done this.

The list

2009-03-06T13:22:00.004-05:00

Ok, ok, I updated our registry after complaining about the process, mostly because my friend Lisa came over the other night and the sweetest, 7-month pregnant girl in the whole world told me that our registry was WEAK. And that's a quote.

So we really spent some time thinking about it and we've added a bunch of stuff to the Amazon one (I think we've full abandoned the Bloomingdale's one Update, we've streamlined it but left things on it that we like) that we really like and would love to have.

Seriously, how cute is this Le Creuset Stoneware Petite Pear Casserole:

As a total, irrelevant sidenote: I have a thing for pears. I love the word "pear" in Russian: groosha. And here I am eating the world's smallest pear in Vegas (pre-engagement as you can see by my naked finger):

Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man

2009-03-04T16:50:00.000-05:00

"What should my man wear?" I've gotten this question from many of our invited women guests. Apparently, they've got themselves sorted but the men don't know what to wear. We didn't specify attire on our invitations but when asked we take a cue from our friends BB and Misha and describe the suggested attire as "resort chic" as they did for their own destination wedding.

I'm no fashionista but wedding insanity has made me a pro in online shopping so I can offer some suggestions below.

I think the best look for men for a beach wedding is linen. Actually, my love of the linen-wearing man is well documented.

IC will be wearing a linen suit and while we don't suggest the invited guests wear suits, though they obviously can if they wish, linen is something comfortable and good-looking to wear in the heat. I know at least one of my readers/guests, the wonderful Jake, hates linen, so to him, and others like him, I say wear whatever means "resort chic" to you. I know you'll look fabulous. This is a pretty funny anti-linen pictorial. But c'mon, ladies, are you with me here? Does linen not just look very, very sexy on men?

Some linen suggestions:

Armani Exchange Linen Dress Pants, available in white and black, $88:

Brooks Brothers Linen Alternating Stripe Sport Shirt, $89.50 or 3/$199 (they have other linen shirts, too.)

Lilly Pulitzer - Woven Linen Shirt at Saks, on sale for $92.90:

More casual options are the Two A.M Flat Front Linen Pants at Nordstrom, $59.50

And BOSS Black Men's "Righ" Linen Pants at Bloomingdale's, $125.00

And, a more formal look for a bunch of money is this Etro Linen Suit at Bergdorf, $1,775.00:

These are just some looks I've come across in my online shopping binges. I'm sure the fellas will look great in whatever they end up wearing.

Tiiiiiiiiiiime is on my side. Yes it is.

2009-03-03T18:58:00.006-05:00

The Knot's Spring/Summer 2009 magazine, which I also got in the gift bag mentioned in the last post, has an editorial note called "Reality Check". In it, the Editor in Chief lists things that are "unreal" such as "Having your wedding on the same day as your best friend" (ala the movie Bride Wars), "Budgets with six zeroes, like those on Platinum Weddings", "Kicking your bridesmaid out of the wedding the day before" and "Ordering the cake a couple of weeks before the wedding."

My best friend isn't engaged, my budget doesn't have six zeroes, I don't have bridesmaids but it's a couple of weeks away from our wedding and no wedding cake has yet been ordered.

Carley, the editor, goes on to say "As if! The truth is you should allow six to nine months."

I'm not gonna front, I love wedding magazines. Seriously, I had no idea how much I didn't know. I learn more each week, usually while getting my toes painted (awesome as the magazines are, I'm an all-internet kind of girl). And it's not all fluff, as everyone who is not getting married assumes it is (ok, ok, as I assumed). There's a ton of useful information about negotiating with vendors, getting a dress on sale, and general tips and tricks about weddings that I would have never came up with on my own. And Theknot.com really has been invaluable.

But stuff like this makes me a little crazy. Six to nine months for a cake?! I've baked, I know how long cakes take. No cake takes a month, much less six. How long should the engagement be if the cake takes six to nine months? Six to nine years?

The idea that all things wedding-related need to be planned so far in advance to be right only adds to the stress of wedding planning. It gives brides too much time to fret over all the meaningless details. There are so many big details to fret over (wait, did our rabbi just suggest we have the ceremony in NY? 'Cause...that's not happening) that the idea that I have to spend nine months wondering if I've made the right cake choice (and, what? Checking in with my baker each month to see that they're still open for business and planning to bake our cake in like half a year?) just doesn't sit right with me.

We're visiting our wedding venue in the next few weeks. At that time, we'll meet with various bakers, florists and djs to decide exactly what we'd like. It will be about 3 weeks before our wedding day. And I trust that on our wedding day we'll have a cake, despite not having picked it out before we even got engaged. If not, maybe I'll owe The Knot an apology.

Weighty

2009-03-02T09:58:00.004-05:00

Today is 5 weeks from our wedding day. Our wedding weekend is even closer than that --4 weeks, 3 days until we arrive in Provo.

So, of course, today begins the cramming to make my body look better before I hit the beach and have to get into a white, poofy dress (just kidding, it's neither white nor poofy).

I need to lose about 3 pounds, from my regular weight, to have my dress hang on me the way that I'd like. In addition to that, I want to lose 7 more pounds for 10 in total because, well, I'm vain.

My weight/body situation is thus: I lose weight rather easily. When I dropped the 40, or so, pounds it was through my patent pending system of only eating when I was hungry. I know, I know, it's revolutionary. I wasn't living the healthiest lifestyle at the time (seriously, ladies, you want to lose weight fast? Take up poker and play it all the time. There's no time to eat when you're at a table 8-10 hours a day) but even when I cleaned up my act I kept losing weight just by only eating when I was hungry (as opposed to eating because you're bored, because your friend is hungry, because you're killing time, because the leftovers are there and will go bad if you don't eat them, etc.) I ate anything I wanted, cheese fries, chocolate, but only when I was actually hungry. After awhile, my body was craving healthier food and I was the happiest with my body that I had ever been.

I also gain weight rather easily. About a week ago, I went back to my only-eating-when-hungry system. At the start of this last weekend, I was at my target weight (the need target, not the want target). I had lost the 3 pounds I needed to lose and was awfully proud of myself. So IC spent the whole weekend feeding me. We went to West Branch on Saturday and Vero on Sunday. We had multiple pasta dishes. I discovered an awesome simple recipe for home fries (I like to fry up some shallots with the potatoes) and we had those both Saturday and Sunday. And we chomped on the chocolate pretzels he brought me from his business trip to Ohio. And now? Now, the three pounds are back.

But that's ok. That's ok. Because the fitness regimen and the diet starts here. On Saturday, IC and I went to the wedding workshop hosted by Lindsay Landman Events that I mention in the post below. And in the awesome goody bag was the one item I totally, really, truly needed (as opposed to the cookies in the bag which I totally, really, truly didn't need)--a month gym pass to Crunch gym! There are 3 Crunch gyms in my general vicinity and I'm planning to make this a 3-4 times a week effort. The general plan is to take a class each day. Nothing crazy, more like yoga, pilates and, my personal favorite, abs classes. Maybe the pole dancing class that everyone raves about. Maybe. The classes will serve to put me on a schedule. I have to be there by noon today, for example. I will also do as much cardio as I can muster and lift some weights, particularly to try and tone my problem areas--my arms and thighs.

And nice try, universe, I'm still going:

The second ever Wedding Planning Is Killing Me giveaway

2009-02-25T11:34:00.005-05:00

This one is for brides-to-be in the NY area. I've got 4 tickets to an awesome Wedding workshop event hosted by Lindsay Landman Events and The Knot. Each winner will get 2 tickets so two commenters can win! Just leave me a comment telling me you'd like to attend and if I get more than 2 comments I'll use random.org again to make my selection. (UPDATE: I forgot to mention, this giveaway ends at noon on February 26, 2009.)

The deets:

You're invited to the most stylish bridal event of the season!

Lindsay Landman Events and The Knot have teamed up to bring New York couples the most creative, innovative and smart way to plan your sophisticated City soirees. Meet and learn from the best wedding vendors in the biz in a relaxed, creative and inspirational atmosphere. Get your planning questions answered at the panel discussions moderated by top bridal editors and experience the finest cuisine, cocktails and decor New York has to offer.

* Each couple receives an amazing goodie bag worth more than $250 and a chance to win the fabulous raffle prizes including an all-inclusive getaway to St. Lucia and $1000 towards your wedding flowers!
* Try on designer gowns and jewels to find your wedding style with on-site hair and makeup consultations.
* Learn from the pros at two panel discussions moderated by top bridal editors.

EVENT DETAILS
Saturday, February 28th
11 AM - 3:30 PM
The Xchange
at The Terminal
640 West 28th Street, 9th Floor
between 11th and 12th Avenues

For more information and to see a highlight video of last year’s event, go to www.nyweddingworkshop.com.

EVENT AGENDA
11am: Custom vendor consultations, cuisine and cocktails begin and continue throughout the day
12pm to 12:45pm: Panel Discussion: Wedding Style & Trends
Moderated by Anne Chertoff, wedding expert and author of The Wedding Organizer
12:45pm to 1:15pm: Informal fashion show featuring bridal, bridesmaid and everyday style
1:15pm to 2pm: Panel Discussion: Bridal Beauty & Fashion
Moderated by Heather Levine, Fashion and Beauty Editor, The Knot
2pm to 3:30pm: More fantastic finds and food as well as goodies and gifts.

UPDATE: This giveaway is now over. Great news! All three commenters will get two tickets each to the show! Winners please email me at ksheinin at gmail.com (change the at to @) with the names and email addresses of who will attend the show. Thanks!

Two conversations

2009-02-24T22:41:00.004-05:00

I love Jewish humor:

IC calls a Judaica store in Brooklyn to see about ordering yarmulkes for our wedding.

IC: Hi, I wanted to find out about ordering yarmulkes for, like, a wedding...

Woman: Like a wedding? What's like a wedding?

And I love my brother, always able to put everything in perspective:

Me: So, the problem is, we want to honeymoon, alone, for a few days after the wedding. But T&C is sooooo expensive and we have a 3-bedroom penthouse suite at our wedding venue hotel so it's hard to go to a mad expensive hotel room or small villa which won't be nearly as nice. But there are lots of guests staying on past our official wedding dates and we won't really be alone alone at our venue hotel.

My brother: Waaaaaaaaaaaah. Poor you.

It's the first ever Wedding Planning Is Killing Me contest

2009-02-20T15:59:00.002-05:00

I don't know a single teenage girl who didn't use St. Ives Apricot Scrub.

Hell, teenage girl? It's the only product IC had in his medicine cabinet when we first started dating.

So it seems fitting that the first contest on this site (and many more to follow) would offer this awesome assortment of St.Ives products as the prize:

Included in your prize package will be:

St. Ives Smoothing In-Shower Exfoliating Body Polish, 8 oz.
St. Ives Protective Cleanser with SPF 10, 4 fl. oz.
St. Ives Mineral Therapy Body Wash, 13.4 fl. oz.
St. Ives Mineral Therapy Advanced Body Moisturizer, 18 fl.oz.

This is what you have to do to enter: in the comment section below, tell me your favorite beauty tip. For example, my favorite beauty trick is using a blowdryer on my eyelash curler for a few seconds before curling my lashes. The result is total vavavoom.

The winner will be chosen at random, by random.org's true random number generator from the total number of comments received. The contest will go on all weekend long and end Monday at noon at which time I will notify the winner.

I can't wait to read your tips!

UPDATE: The contest is over and the winner is...Comment #12! The screenshot is below. Congrats, Stacy!

The hotness

2009-02-14T13:39:00.005-05:00

Get thee to the Barney's Warehouse Sale. I went yesterday, and though it was a total zoo**, I went home with these beauties:

I'm not sure if I'm wearing them under my dress yet, mostly because I'm fixated on wearing blue shoes for reasons unclear to even me, but they'll obviously be part of many a wedding weekend ensemble.

**How big a zoo is the Barney's Warehouse Sale in its first few days? First a little background, there are no dressing rooms and women try on clothes in the aisles, some stripping down to their underwear with nary a hesitation. The Barney's Warehouse pros wear bathing suits under their clothes. This is an actual conversation:

Me: Hi, are you guys selling underclothes this year?
Salesgirl: Underclothes?
Me: Bras? Underwear?
Salesgirl: Oh, let me find out.

A different salesgirl walks by.

Salesgirl: Hey Betty, do you need underwear or bras?

I hear her say "need" and am like "whaaaa?"

Betty looks at me and says: No, anything goes, you can try on however. I saw this one lady...

I stop her right there. She thinks I'm asking if it's ok to try on clothes without wearing a bra or underwear. And she's cool with it!

Bucking tradition

2009-02-14T11:23:00.015-05:00

I love flowers. Chocolate. Thoughtful cards. And going out to nice dinners. But I despise Valentine's Day with a passion that grows yearly.

It's not even the pressure of the day, that you must be completely romantic and wear red or pink and have an exchange of gifts on a random day in February.

No, I hate that this day is completely meaningless to me and IC. It's not the day we met, not the day we started dating, not the day we got engaged, it's just nothing. Love is special and intimate and original to the two people involved. Valentine's Day is a holiday for the masses to celebrate their love. It has nothing to do with us, and I want no part of it.

Similarly, there are a lot of parts to a wedding that have nothing to do with the couple and while I know some of these things are traditional, we're going to skip them.

One thing we're skipping is bridal shower/bachelor/bachelorette parties. We love our friends but hate the idea of having some sort of last hurrah (or, worse, some brunch with all women where all the attention is on me while I open presents and ooh and ahh. Could not be less me.) before getting married. What does it have to do with our marriage? And why can't we have hurrahs after we're married? And why do these kinds of parties have to be gender-specific. Most of my friends are male, how could I leave them out? Also, our wedding is 3 days long with all of our friends and family. If that's not a hurrah, what is?

And on the same note, we're not having a bridal party, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen. Only our families will be under the chuppah with us, or family as bridal party if you will. We plan to involve our friends in other ways, we may ask seven of them to read the Sheva Brachot during the ceremony, two of them will sign the Ketubah and the reception will be all about celebrating with them. But we're trying to keep the actual ceremony focused on each other and don't want to get distracted by what's usually done.

It's easy in wedding planning, and in life, to get carried about by what must be and to lose focus off each other. IC and are trying to be very conscious of that. And, no, we'll never, ever celebrate Valentine's Day. Ever.

I must rave

2009-02-12T15:55:00.001-05:00

I'm obsessed with Canyon Beachwear, a California-based beachwear company that has a store in New York. They have a drool-worthy website on which I spend much of my day dreaming of wearing their original and fabulous designer swimwear on a beach of my choice. I covet their gorgeous bikinis and adorable cover-ups.

I think my wedding weekend wardrobe will consist of this tunic, and this one, and these two bikinis. Oh and this one, definitely in white to have the whole bridal look going on. The last one has a skirt bottom, my favorite bikini look, in particular if I don't lose those 10 pounds I've been planning to lose before April. And I'll be rocking these flip-flops in my favorite color, brown.

I used to live nearby so while I'd been to Canyon Beachwear's NY store many times before to fullfill my swimwear needs, I only discovered their website when I started looking for a beachbag to use as a giftbag for our guests. I couldn't decide which one I wanted because they are all so cute. I wrote to the company and their CEO wrote back offering to make a personalized beach bag for us! They're going to start making these personalized beach bags for future destination weddings so if you're planning a beach wedding, I highly recommend buying from Canyon Beachwear.

The bag will be in their accessories section or you can order them via their toll-free number, 800-863-6681.

I can't rave enough about Canyon Beachwear and their terrific staff. They were helpful, creative and generally awesome.

Now that I've shown you the beachbag, I'll be showing you what I fill it with over the next few weeks! Get excited! Finally some fun wedding planning!

Why?

2009-02-11T17:10:00.005-05:00

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy, no really, why did I decide on 'Do It Yourself' invitations? Since when am I creative? Why am I buying a perforator (what the hell is a perforator, spell check has no idea)? Why am I learning about different types of card stock? Who knew little envelopes cost like 4 times the amount of big envelopes? I'm not even sure I'm saving money on this whole extravaganza! And the best part? Most of our guests have already booked their flights! There's very little mystery over who is coming and who is not coming. We have maybe 4 undecideds, in total! And yet we're still sending out incredibly complicated, yet pretty freaking cool, invitations this weekend. Because apparently, that's what's done. But if you run into a harrowed, confused redhead at your local paper store measuring yards of blue twine, that's me, just don't ask.

Marry us!

2009-02-10T15:37:00.006-05:00

We chose Turks & Caicos for our wedding for many reasons. It's beautiful, secluded yet accessible and just generally fit a lot of our criteria for a destination.

The one big drawback, for us, was that there was no rabbi on Turks & Caicos. We were so surprised by this. There are Jews everywhere. Even in Kabul, Afghanistan there were two synagogues (of course, there were also only two Jews in Kabul and they hated each other and each went to their own synagogue--true story, google it). There are Chabad Houses all over the world. But none in Turks & Caicos. So close to Miami! Who could believe it?

While neither of us is very religious, we did want a Jewish wedding and pretty specifically wanted it to be either Conservative or Orthodox instead of Reform.

We started looking for a rabbi but ran into a problem right away. Our wedding is on a Monday and everyone flies home on Tuesday. Passover begins on Wednesday and most rabbis just couldn't get away then.

My mom suggested we contact a rabbi she knows very well, one who performed my brother's Bar Mitzvah. He asked to meet with us and IC took to him like a house on fire. He was perfect, with the dry wit and humor that IC was seeking. He also seemed very wise. And then he said "you asked me for a rabbi to perform your marriage. I can not say then 'I am that rabbi!'" We were like "no, you totally can." But he was fairly adamant that he'd find us someone else. He suggested some funky, bohemian rabbi thinking that that was what we wanted (he called us "sophisticated" like 3 times. We both giggled.). But we didn't, we wanted him.

We gave up on that rabbi and moved on. We priced flights from Aruba to Turks & Caicos as we had met an amazing rabbi on that island over new years. It was madly expensive. We looked at Rabbirentals.com. No, I'm not kidding. I contacted two other rabbis who I had heard lecture in the past. While I was waiting for an answer, our rabbi called and agreed to do it.

We're so happy about it! We love the fact that he has a real connection to my family and also the connection between him and IC was really amazing. It's the perfect fit and we couldn't be happier.

Tell me whatchoo want

2009-02-10T11:51:00.000-05:00

You know that song "Puttin' on the Ritz" (as opposed to the Mase song I quote in my subject line)? There's this line in it to which I've always felt some relation: "spending every dime, for a wonderful time." The rest of the song, about dressing up like million dollar troopers, trying hard to look like Gary Cooper, not so much. That is to say, that while some girls covet bags, shoes and clothes, I always liked spending most of my money on travel, restaurants, and general experiences over objects (the exceptions to this are bathing suits, sunglasses, books and skin care products). A wonderful time, in other words.

This has proven to be a bit of an issue when registering for wedding gifts. We weren't going to register at all, partly because I find it kind of tacky to ask for specific wedding gifts, and partly because giving money in lieu of actual presents is customary in both of our cultures (mine Russian, his Israeli, both New Yorkers where cash is the norm) (Sidenote: yes, I realize I just called registering tacky but my culture says cash in an envelope is ok). Also, IC and I are both in our 30's and we've had our own apartments for some time, we already have a toaster, a blender, and two fondue pots!

But people started asking for our registry and, encouraged by comments I received when I asked for advice on whether to do it, IC and I took a trip to Bloomingdale's to register. Three hours later, we had about four items on our registry, none of which we wanted all that badly. We made a slightly better list on Amazon though, honestly, if we really wanted a hamper wouldn't we have bought it already?

So, we started looking into a honeymoon registry. But there are some major problems with that too. For one thing, most of the honeymoon registering sites take a big cut of the guest's contribution. Why would we let our guests give 9% (or more!) commission to a site who is really just passing cash along to us? Also, we don't really know where we're honeymooning yet. We're planning to look into various Cays in Turks & Caicos, but haven't narrowed it down at all yet. Ambergris Cay, Salt Cay, Pine Cay, or maybe none of the above. So we can't even ask for specific items because we don't know what items will ultimately be available at our chosen location.

In closing, I don't know how to handle a registry and it's one of the few moments in my life where I really feel the weight of being an immigrant. It seems so odd to me to form a registry but I realize it is expected of us and I don't know how to do it. Suggestions? Thoughts?

Sit down

2009-02-07T09:08:00.006-05:00

I haven't been able to sleep. I've been hopping out of bed super early with my mind racing, all wedding all the time.

I have to admit, when brides have made a comment like that to me in the past, I really didn't sympathize. Don't worry, princess, your hair will be styled just so and you'll have the exact shade of teal tableclothes your little heart desires. But I'm not thinking of menu wording or seat cards. I'm not considering whether we'll have the talked-about after-party bonfire on the beach with a s'mores station. That's all fun planning, and I hope that part comes later.

Right now it's all airline offer codes, and fighting for group deals, and having to ask people whether they will attend despite the fact that invitations haven't gone out yet (this is actually as much for them as for us. Airline prices are madly fluctuating and we're starting to get afraid that when people start booking for our specific dates, they'll really spike).

Other examples of unfun issues we're dealing with right now include, but are not limited to that we still don't have a rabbi, and when we do find a rabbi to fly in he'll need kosher meals and where do we find that in Providenciales? IC has some concerns about the dance floor space (he thinks it's too small and we may end up renting a dancefloor to put right on the beach). IC still needs a suit. The invitations are ordered but the reply cards still need designing and printing. There are a million boring, annoying details to think about and my mind is buzzing all the time with every last one of them.

I need a break so on this early Saturday morning I want to blog about something frivilous and fun. And by fun, I mean funner that airline problems.

Reception tables.

I really like long tables. It feels very family and festive to have a long table full of your friends. Small round tables lead to people only hanging out with those around them. I wanted to make more of a cohesiveness between all the guests as they are spending a whole weekend together.

I got this image from Tropicaldmc.com, a destination wedding planning company in Turks&Caicos (we're not using a wedding planner, at least not yet, because all of the details thus far are not something anyone but myself or IC could handle without a lot of guidance). I like the U-shaped look but I think I'd prefer to have seats all along the inside of the U as well:

I love this look, from Martha Stewart. In a perfect situation, I'd love to have one very, very long table to fit all of our guests. It's not possible, though, for our location, the measurements of the location don't allow it:

Also from Martha Stewart, this is really pretty but I don't think high centerpieces work for long tables. I want people across from each other to be able to see and talk to each other with nothing in their way:

Two more long table examples, the top one from Martha Stewart, the bottom one from Blogger Brides.

Now, as I said earlier in this post, I am completely not up to thinking about anything like this yet. Maybe our venue only has round tables and if so, whatever, round table us up! I'll live, and live well. But there's something about picturing how I'd like things to look on our wedding day that makes me really happy. Even if things don't work out as I've pictured them, just the act of daydreaming while I'm working on all the aforementioned boring details brings me a little joy.

Picture it

2009-02-06T09:08:00.003-05:00

Even though IC proposed at the end of September, and even though we're getting married two months from today, we're planning to do an engagement photography session this weekend. I only learned that such a thing existed in December or so. I love, love, love pictures, so once I found out about the concept of engagement photographs, I wanted it and wanted it bad. The problem has been that despite the global warming we were promised, the weather has been frickin' freezin'. This Sunday, though, it's supposed to be in the 50's (that's like summer at this point) and sunny. We think we have a photographer we like that will do it at a reasonable price. Once he confirms, I'll link to his work to show you all. Update: It's Dave from DMoment Photography. Check out his work here. We particularly liked his engagement photos. He also blogs here.

The only consideration, really, is where to do it. We want to do it somewhere meaningful to us. We live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, pretty close to Central Park. And while I'm sure that if we decide to do it in the park it will be beautiful, I wish I could think of something a little more original.

We spend a lot of our summer on the beach in Atlantic Beach or Long Beach in Long Island, so I half-thought about doing it there, but figure with the wedding happening in Turks & Caicos, we'll have enough beach shots.

I would, of course, love to do it in Brooklyn, on the boardwalk, on the beach, in the streets, whatever, because, well, that's the best borough, but IC has some crazy Queens dedication that I'll never fully understand. So that brings us back to our neighborhood. The best idea I've got is to take some shots on the little island where Amsterdam and Broadway meet as we can see this island from our apartment. These are shots taken from our window of the island:

But even still, how many shots can we take on that island?

So, I'm looking for suggestions from New Yorkers on picture-taking ideas. Primarily we're interested in the Upper West Side but I suppose we're open to a bit of travel if it's something really cool.

And if we end up in Central Park it's not the end of the world. I just want some pro pictures of me and my baby, to remember this beautiful time when everything was hectic and insane, but we took the time out to document our love for each other and our anticipation of our future.

Suggest me up in the comment section if you're not barfing too hard over the last paragraph.

Final chapter: My dress search, a story in many parts

2009-02-04T10:33:00.009-05:00

I did it, I got the dress.

Despite my post below, I actually wasn't very optimistic. The last Kleinfeld's sample sale was a bust. I tried on a few dresses, they were all too small, or ugly, or "wait, that's the sale price?". And also, while my mom hasn't been the world's most useful mother-of-the-bride (bless her but "every bride is beautiful" is just not helpful when shopping for a gown), the fact that she wasn't with us that time just made it unlikely I was going to get my dress. She might not have a strong opinion but I felt like I needed her thumbs-up on it.

I got there at 3pm, when doors opened, and both moms were waiting for me near the front of the line. We were number 56 and they were letting in 6 girls or so at a time. The line was very long behind us.

I chose 3 dresses to try on. The first was a Pnina. It's like I just couldn't give up on it. It was too small, and not nearly as *wow* as my original Pnina love.

The second dress was Aire, and it wasn't something I'd normally pick off the rack but I put it on, it fit perfectly, and I quite loved it. It felt very Caribbean. And it was cheap! Marked $1100 and 20% off! I mean, it's sick that that is considered cheap, but all you ladies who have bought wedding gowns feel me on this, I know you do, under a grand for a wedding gown, it's a bargain! This is not exactly it, but close, especially the skirt part:

So I'm thinking, wow, ok, I could totally do this dress. It's white, I really wanted ivory, but two months out of the wedding date and at this low, low price, whatevs! Should I even bother trying on the last dress? Eh, why not.

It's an Edgardo Bonilla. When my mom and the sales lady zipped it up, it was so obvious. This. Is. It. For those following along at home, I had no dress, no dress, no dress and then TWO dresses! But the Edgardo one was just more like the picture that had now formed in my head of what I would look like on my wedding day. The Aire one was definitely workable, but the Edgardo one was it.

I'm not going to post a photo, I actually don't have one of me in it because, duh, Kleinfeld's doesn't allow photographs and I can't find the image online anyway, but also because IC is adamant that he doesn't want to see it and I don't want to ruin the surprise for him. But I will say that it's ivory, and it's a classic, classic dress. Really beautiful and simple. There are some wild gowns over on Edgardo's site but this is not one of them. It's strapless but has like a beaded shrug attached to it. I'm going to make it detachable and wear the shrug under the chuppah and then just be strapless the rest of the night.

The major thing I'm feeling right now is WHEW. I just need some small alterations but no more bridal sales, no more running around. In total I visited about 15 bridal salons and tried on about 60 dresses. Our long national nightmare is over, I have found my gown.

I have a good feeling about this one.

2009-02-03T11:16:00.003-05:00

The title of this post is what I say to IC's mom right before we go on a dress-seeking excursion. I said it last Saturday when we woke up bright and early to go to the Saks in Short Hills, lured by a 50% off Bridal Sample Sale advertised on the Saks website. "I have a good feeling about this one," I said as she smiled hopefully at me.

When we got there, though, my good feeling faded. There were no dresses. I don't mean there were no dresses for me, in my size or in my style, there were NO dresses. Saks is closing all of its bridal salons with the exception of NY and Beverly Hills so all the dresses from around the country were to be shipped here and sold at 50% off. I don't know why there were no dresses, or why the Saks website led me to believe there would be. I just knew that that day was not going to be the day when I find my dress.

I actually went to the Saks bridal sale in New York--alone and twice. Both times I only had about an hour. Most of the dresses were bridal size 10, which are street size 6, and therefore just a smidge too small on me. It's completely frustrating trying on dresses that are too small, and the ones I found that did fit me just didn't work. It's also amazing that I'd still be paying like 3 grand for a dress at these bargain sample sales. The idea that I pay that much for a dress and it isn't perfect, well, it haunts me. I'd rather spend that money on other things; vacations, good restaurants, fancy bath products, a freaking car, anything else but a dress that I don't love that I'll only wear once.

Of course, having said all this, I have a good feeling about this one: I'm meeting both moms to head over to Kleinfeld's for their sample sale today. Of course there happens to be a blizzard outside and it's my busiest work day of the month but, I have a good feeling. Maybe it will just be there, at a low, low price and fit me perfectly. Maybe. You know, if there are any dresses there, any at all, it will have been more of a success than our last trip. So maybe that's the only win for which I should be hoping.

It's done. Ish.

2009-02-02T14:06:00.002-05:00

We're getting the contract today and the wedding date is set as April 6, 2009. Our guests will be invited for April 4-7 to Providenciales, Turks & Caicos. "Provo" to those in the know.

I'm suddenly gun-shy about publicly revealing the name of the location. I don't know what I imagine will happen; an uninvited guest will fly to T&C to crash our wedding? With all those Russians and Israelis there? Probably not. But I noticed that many wedding blogs don't give away the name of their venue and I wonder if there isn't something to that. What do you all think? Have I just let IC make me paranoid about sharing too much on the interweb?

So close.

2009-01-30T13:18:00.003-05:00

Today, at 3pm, we're doing a conference call with our favored property to bang out the details of the rooms, venue and food. If IC is satisfied with the call (see, it's all about me until the time where it's all about him), it's happening. In April. In Turks&Caicos. It's all completely exciting and nerve-wracking but at the end of the day if we're married to each other, it will all have been worth it.

Shmetiquette

2009-01-28T10:08:00.000-05:00

A destination wedding is plainly unlike other weddings. There are so many more moving pieces. Where will they sleep, what they will eat, where will they go, what will they do, how will they get there are all questions most regular weddings never have to deal with. And a destination wedding planned in like 2 months, well, that's unlike anything at all.

We're like thisclose to securing our location, the invitations are ready to be calligraphered (calligraphied? calligraphed?), and I'm having a few people over to help construct the invitations (because as previously mentioned the most un-arty girl in the whole world has decided to go with an arts&crafts project for an invitation) as soon as they arrive. Then the invitations go out and we need the reply card back with the quickness. In fact, we probably won't wait for the reply card in most cases, just get a response via email or phone. We need the hotel to hold a block of rooms for us and we need to give them a fairly accurate count asap.

So my etiquette question is this: can I ask people how they're looking before the invitations even go out? Like, now? We're working off a "likely" list of attendees which is about 2/3 of our guest list (see, IC, I can count and do percentages, 80 of 120 is 2/3 or 75%! JUST SAYING.). If someone on our likely list already knows that they're unlikely, I'd like (like, like, like) for them to tell us. But is it totally rude to ask? I mean, I know it is. But can I do it anyway?

Music. Makes the people. Come together.

2009-01-27T17:19:00.003-05:00

I don't know why I used a Madonna line in the title, it's unlikely that any Madonna will be played at our wedding. I know this because if there's one area where I can see myself being demanding, know-it-all and bridezilla-esque, it won't be about my dress, the food or the favors, it's the music.

There will be NO Macarena, no chicken dance, no "Electric Slide", no "Shout" and probably no Madonna (see, I'm not totally inflexible, look at that probably right there). In fact, I want to decide on every single song played at our wedding (and at the welcome dinner, and at the cocktail hour, and at every opportunity when music is played). Like, every single one.

Which brings me to this: for what, then, do I need a DJ?

IC spoils me. The official song of our engagement weekend was "Whatever you like" by TI (not the corny parts about stacks and Petron, just the chorus). I wanted some crazy Do It Yourself ("what's 'DIY'?"-asked the immigrant IC on Saturday) invitations, I got it (more on these later). And he's been completely patient about all the wedding details like room configurations, menus, response card fonts and every other annoying thing that goes into putting on a wedding. But when I say no dj, he says no way.

It's not that ground-breaking. Lots of people are having Ipod weddings. Why not us?

I think IC is more worried about the logistics than about my musical selections. Who will be there to cue our first dance? Slow it down, speed it up, feel the crowd? I don't know but I'm just not too worried about it. I think I can gauge when in the night we might have to go for slower music and when we'll bump the Biggie. I admit, it's partially because I not-so-secretly think I'd make a kick-ass DJ. But mostly it's because if I were to hear any of the songs in the second paragraph played at our wedding, well, I wouldn't take it well. And I don't want the DJ riling up the crowd. They're either riled or they're not. I hate the DJ yelling into the microphone to get on the dancefloor. Just not my thing.

I haven't totally nailed down the reception music list yet; ok, fine, it currently has six songs on it, but I have decided on the music themes for the welcome BBQ and the pre-reception cocktail hour. The former will be all reggae with a strong focus on Bob Marley as he seems to appeals to the young and old alike. The latter will be sultry sounds like Nina Simone, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Ray Charles perfect for cocktails under a setting sun. The rest I'll figure out and produce a list to give to a capable professional dj. But if he Macarenas me even once, his ass is toast.

Favor for a favor

2009-01-26T14:26:00.004-05:00

I don't really get the whole concept of wedding favors. I mean, I enjoy eating Hershey Kisses off the table as much as the next wedding guest but ultimately, what's the point?

But with a destination wedding, I feel we have to provide some sort of welcome bag. Some ideas so far have included playing cards, luggage tags, sunblock.

As I mentioned in the last post, I really like taking photos, so I was thinking a beach-themed frame with a photo of the guest in it (as I've likely taken a photo of nearly every attending guest at some point over the years, or can get one). But then IC said "why would they want a photo of themselves?" and I guess he has a point. But they definitely don't need a little photo of us so that just about concludes any thoughts I had for incorporating pictures into the gift bag.

Thoughts? Ideas?

UPDATE: The other thing I really like, in life, is music so I've considered making a mix cd of music that will be played at our wedding. But A)people will likely have a lot of the songs already and B)those that don't have the songs probably aren't into them to begin with. But maybe a mix cd.

You get what you pay for?

2009-01-26T13:19:00.003-05:00

One of things that I learned while doing my current crash course in everything wedding, is that many photographers will do a destination wedding for free. All we'd pay for is their flight and hotel room and they'd be there the whole time shooting photos (or, they wouldn't be working the whole time but they would be shooting more than just the wedding). It works out much cheaper than hiring a photographer and I emailed a few good ones yesterday and they all seem interested. I also love the idea of a professional photographer being on hand for most of the weekend. I'm a HUGE picture-taker and it almost bothers me that I won't really be able to do much snapping during our wedding weekend.

My fear, though, is that people who aren't paid for their work can't be relied upon to work. I'm concerned there is a higher probability that they won't show up, or will be more likely to slack if they do. Am I being unfair? I suppose I would do a good job in exchange for a free vacation somewhere warm, but would I do as good a job as if I were being paid for it? I'm not sure.

What say you all? Do we go with one of the "free" photographers or do we suck it up and hire one on the island (massively expensive, by the way).

It's all happening

2009-01-25T12:36:00.003-05:00

It's all starting to come together and for the first time in this whole process wedding planning has started to become...fun.

It's still stressful, there are so many moving parts and details, I'm essentially planning a vacation for 80 people, but I'm finally seeing the big picture.

And little things are starting to make sense too. As my friend Lisa pointed out in one of the comment sections, it turns out I'm not much of a planner, but I'm actually focusing on all the little things that need to be done.

Also, and this is the crazy part, I've actually managed to do some small creative things in our planning which is particularly amazing because I'm not at all crafty or artsy. It's so exciting when I get a creative wedding idea and IC has just been the most encouraging, amazing fiance of all time. I read this post during a full day of wedding mania and looked at my wonderful IC who was patiently looking at reply card options, deciding whether our centerpieces would feature shells and encouraging my ebay purchases to make our invitations unique. Love. Him.

My trip to Turks&Caicos was a success in that I saw us getting married there in a way I didn't when we were in Aruba over new years. I saw five properties in total and the fact is any of the five would work. There's one that is my favorite, but two others that could easily fill the role of venue and not miss a beat. I'll post here when a decision is reached, we're very, very close.

Quote of the day

2009-01-23T20:05:00.000-05:00

"I like the idea of an old rabbi. Scholarly. With like a Jewish humor. He's been around the block, ya know?"

-IC on what he wants in a rabbi.

"We can get married in Gibraltar near Spain"

2009-01-21T22:59:00.014-05:00

My parents have a thing for cruises. And when I say "thing" I mean we did a family cruise every New Year from the time I was about 10 until um, last year. And lest you think I hit 30 and somehow got out of going on a yearly vacation with my mommy, New Years 2008 my brother and I managed to convince my mom, kicking and screaming, to skip the cruise and just go to one island, and then somehow we convinced her again for 2009 and had IC join us. Both times it was Aruba. They have direct flights, good hotel deals, solid food and POKER (IC and I both love the Texas Hold 'Em. I'd say we fell in love over one-on-one poker games at his apartment. My other specialty blog is a poker blog). But Aruba is just too crowded and condensed for how we envision our wedding. Love the island, would go back every New Years till the end of time, don't want to get married there.

In the 20 or so years of cruising, I've seen every single Caribbean/Central American island/country under the sun. I can now confirm something I suspected all along: cruising is just about the worst way to get a feel for a location.

Sure, I remember some places vividly. My grandmother, brother and I walking around in the pouring rain on the teeny tiny island of Isle de Saintes. The fact that only four people live on the creepy Devil's Island. The imcomprehensible amount of bugs on the Amazon river that would go crunch, crunch under our feet by the dozens. The public beach in Barbados where we were the only people on the beach, something I loved and everyone else hated. The tour guide saying "Christopher Columbus discovered Dominica in 1493 and pretty much nothing has changed since then" and me thinking "yeah, that seems about right."

But ask me to tell you the difference between St. Martin and Martinique and I get fuzzy. St. Lucia vs. St. Bart's, no idea. I can recall the port of St. Thomas, but that's only because every single cruise stops there but have no rememberance of St. John or St. Croix, Tortola or Tobago. I mean, I can tell you the things that everyone knows about places they've never been to, like St. Martin has a French side and a Dutch side and St. Bart's is the playground of the superrich, but I couldn't tell you what restaurant you must check out, what resort is the one to stay at or which beach is the most unforgettable. And these things, ultimately, are what I love about travel--the discoveries. The cruise ship would pull in, we'd briefly check out the chotckes sold at the dock and then we'd pile into a cab and have the driver take us to the nearest beach. We'd lounge there for x number of hours and then head back to the ship for lunch and a nap. I'd been to all these islands but I'd never been to all these islands.

Which brings me to my current location, Turks & Caicos. I've been here before, I'm sure of it, though not to Provo where I am now. But I have no special recollection of the place and so it is brand new. The water is as unbelieveable as they say. This photo does it no justice:

I saw two places today, Windsong and Alexandra, both pretty magnificent, but both with plusses and minuses, and plan to see four more tomorrow. You can follow along in my flickr set, though my connection is ridiculously slow so uploading pictures is difficult and having the internet in drip, drip, drops is making me a bit crazy.

But I think this is it, I think this is where we'll be married. The island has a laid-back vibe, unlike say Grand Cayman, but not too laid-back, like, say Jamaica (ok, maybe I can speak about the islands a bit but that's because I was in Grand Cayman last year and Jamaica has the laid-back reputation the world over). The people are super friendly. I've only had one meal so far, at Conch Shack, a Provo institution, and it was pretty good. And they have poker, which was a complete surprise, though I'm told I won't get to play any during my wedding weekend. I say we'll see.

April-bound

2009-01-20T13:49:00.010-05:00

So, I'm doing it. Well, we're doing it. But really I'm doing it. I'm leaving for Providenciales, Turks&Caicos tomorrow, by myself. I have seven appointments to see all different kinds of properties, each with its own pros and cons.

West Bay Club

Gansevoort

Ocean Club

Windsong

Alexandra

Northwest Point

Nikki Beach

I'm sort of dreading the trip (and, yes, it's been hard to get sympathy from my friends with my "waaaaah, I'm going to the Caribbean alone"). But I am. For several reasons:

1) IC and I are still in the, apparently nauseating, phase where we don't like to be apart at all, let alone for two nights.

2) I find the idea that I have to, all by myself, pick the place for us to get married quite daunting. One thing that works so well in our relationship is the bouncing of thoughts and ideas off each other. And while IC is the sweetest guy in the world and I'm, um, not the sweetest girl in the world, I'm a total optimist and am actually the waaaaaay more agreeable one around strangers "yes, that's awesome, wow, wonderful" while he asks the pointed questions and gives me the pessimist's point of view of the situation.

3) I am terrible, awful, horrible, can't do it, at talking about money. I have to ask all kinds of questions about how much things cost and if they can make it any cheaper. Hate.

4) I feel pressure to come back with a place. If I don't find something that works, we're not getting married in April, simple as that. The idea of looking at new dates and places is just... oyyyyy my head.

5) This one is actually the worst. What if I take this trip, find a place and we still can't make it happen? One major thing right now is that Turks&Caicos doesn't have a rabbi on the island. People tell us things like "you can just fly one in". But can we? Like who? And from where? And do they stay the weekend? Do they bring their wife? We don't know. Also, the original plan to have people come Fri-Mon is falling apart. Apparently, T&C is quite a religious island so it will be hard to get people to work our event on a Sunday. So now we're thinking Sat-Tue but there are no direct flights on Saturdays. Also, Passover is that Wednesday so we'd be leaving people with one day to get ready for the holiday (and it's one of those holidays you do actually have to "get ready" for, even us secular Jews). And this is just a teeny tiny little slice of the kinds of problems we've been having and why this blog exists.

A girl after my own heart!

2009-01-16T12:26:00.002-05:00

I hate planning my wedding.

Learn something wedding-related every day

2009-01-14T16:08:00.000-05:00

"Do you know that in Judaism, your wedding starts the moment that you get engaged, and only ends a year after your wedding?"

-Meg at A Practical Wedding.

Part 3: My dress search, a story in many parts

2009-01-14T11:33:00.007-05:00

After I got over the Pnina dress, I started looking at more streamlined, beach-wearable gowns. And, there wasn't anything wrong with any of them, but at no point did I feel "it".

The third one is just the second one with a piece of fabric on my arm showing me what it would look like with a little sleeve because I remain unconvinced (despite the Pnina dress) that the strapless look is for me. My #1 body obsession, frankly my only body obsession, is that I hate my arms. And I know a little sleeve won't do much but I think it will just make me feel slightly better.

My favorite of the "fine but not it" bunch of dresses was this one at Pronovias:

It's a nice dress, and I think it looks good on me, but it was in the $2k range which, while I recognize is the bottom of wedding gown ranges, just seemed like too much for a dress that A)doesn't look it and B)doesn't make my heart go pitter-patter. It's a very nice gown, and I understand the wedding industrial complex says that everything must be ridiculously priced in order for two people to swear their love and commitment to each other, but I feel like I've tried on similar dresses over the years and they were like $250, though of course without the train.

So, where am I now? I think we're going to move ahead with an April 5th wedding date, which limits my gown options. I'm actually happy about that. If I focus on samples and previously worn dresses I won't spend a sum of money that I find absurd on a dress. Again, I get that 2k is "cheap" for wedding dresses but 2k is a vacation and I'd rather spend that money to lay on a beach somewhere with IC than on a dress I'll wear just the once. And I have a back-up plan just in case I find myself in March without a dress. I've seen a dress that will work, that fits me, and that's pretty great, good enough that I won't post a photo of it here in case it ends up being my wedding dress. I still hope to see something that will make me gasp an audible "wow" or get the feeling that this dress must be my dress. But if it doesn't happen, that's ok. I've got a groom that I feel must be my groom and all I ultimately care about is making a life with him.

Ok, let's

2009-01-13T16:02:00.002-05:00

It looks like we're going to try for April and I'm going to go down to Providenciales, Turks&Caicos for two days next week to figure it all out. I hope it works out. If anyone has any Provo resort suggestions, leave them in the comment section.

Tuesday imagery

2009-01-13T09:14:00.006-05:00

I love this blog. LOVE. It's helping me voice (ink? type?) the problems I've had with this whole wedding planning thing while focusing any ideas I had on what it will be. For example, IC said the other day "so our color is blue, huh?" I hadn't noticed but the images that I enjoy of other people's weddings tend to be blue. So yes, blue it probably will be. Israeli flag blue or Dallas Cowboys star blue? Maybe both.

Other images which have appealed to me recently:

The photo of this Moongate does not mean I've given up on a Turks&Caicos wedding in April. But, yes, moongates are a feature of the Bermuda island landscape.

This image is from I Do Wedding Planners, per Karin in my comment section, a wedding planning group in Israel. I am in love with this chupa:

I got this one from Tropical Destination Management, wedding planners in Turks&Caicos. I love long tables. I think they're so much more festive and intimate (although I'd probably have people sitting all along the inner "U" shape of the tables):

So, to sum up: I like the way moongates look but they're mostly available on only one island--which is our back-up June island. I love the Israeli chupa, though we're definitely not getting married in Israel. And, I enjoy long tables though if we pick a resort which only has round tables I'm not going to get long tables shipped in or anything like that.

And that's WITH this site focusing my vision.

Do we?

2009-01-12T10:36:00.006-05:00

"We need to talk," IC said last night. We had spent a really nice day with his family, eating, hanging out and watching the Giants decide they'd rather be golfing. After they left, he had some work to do and he delivered the above line when he was finally done. This was prime Sunday veg out time! Talking is for chumps!

"Are we getting married in April?" he asked.

URG, the question everyone keeps asking me. And I have no idea.

We still haven't picked a place and April is 2 1/2 months away.

The cons to getting married in April:

1) We have to pick a place, very quickly, and rush to get the invitations out and RSVPs back in.

2) A dress for me, a linen suit for IC, both of which would pretty much need to fall in our laps at this point.

3) We'd have to find a photographer, a DJ, a florist, and whatever else the wedding industry tells us we need, post haste.

4) Would we be giving our guests enough time to price tickets and get the time off from work?

The pros to getting married in April:

1) We'd be married. In April!

2) If we don't get married in April, the Caribbean is pretty much out as a destination (as the wedding would then take place in June at the very earliest and it's simply too hot then). We'd have to look at Bermuda which, while very nice, is a little more buttoned up than either of us. We'd also have to start from scratch in many ways. While it's nice that I'd now be looking at vineyards in California and small islands off of Georgia, I'd be learning a whole new topography and will have wasted all of my Caribbean knowledge that I've gained over the past few months (quick, ask me the difference between Barbados and Barbuda).

3) While I joke about the wedding industry in the Con section, there is something to that. If we get married in April there's only so much time I can spend thinking I need some dumb trinket (no, really, what is the point of a wedding favor?) or worrying about different aspects of the day that ultimately won't matter to anyone, including me.

If we do it in April, it will likely be Turks&Caicos and I will have to take a quick 2-day trip there to look at a bunch of places in the next week. While it may sound like "awww, poor me, I have to go to Turks&Caicos" I'm actually not excited at all to take this kind of trip without IC. He definitely can't go due to work and the idea of running around to various locations and having extensive wedding conversations without him is not at all appealing.

So are we getting married in April? I don't know. I want someone removed from the situation, who doesn't have the ulterior motive of wanting a vacation in April or grandkids 10 months later (or alternately, wants us to push it off because getting time off in April will be harder for them than June), to tell us "look, it's just not enough time, give up on the April idea" or "don't listen to the wedding magazines that say you need at least 6-9 months to plan a wedding, this is do-able, just do it."

Comments very appreciated.

Part 2: My dress search, a story in many parts

2009-01-10T12:14:00.005-05:00

We all know a story like the one I'm going to tell. A good girl, went to church every Sunday, volunteered at the soup kitchen on weekends, had her first kiss at 22, with a nice boy from her book club who held her hand and told her she was pretty and then one day- BAM- fell in love with a Hell's Angel biker and spent the next 3 years running after him while he treated her badly and dated strippers.

I thought I knew what I wanted in a dress. I wanted simple, not too frou-frou, not too poufy, not too complicated. And the good girl in my story thought she wanted a nice boy who would treat her right and call her everyday. But really we both wanted something edgy and different, something unacceptable and wrong, something we couldn't really ever have.

That's the analogy I've come up with to describe my feelings for the Pnina Tornai dress of my dreams.

I was at Kleinfeld's Bridal with IC's mom when she saw a row of dresses across the room and said "those are Pnina Tornai dresses". Apparently, Pnina is a huge star designer in Israel and, as previously mentioned, IC was born in Israel. In the U.S., her dresses are exclusive to Kleinfeld's. We picked out a Pnina dress, and several others by other designers, and headed to the dressing room.

I don't know about you, but I've never thought the words "wow, I am a princess" ever before. I looked AWESOME. Pnina's style is a corset top and big poufy, flowing bottom. I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror and twirling all around. This was it. This was it! It felt so good! It had to be right! Pnina was actually in the store and she was completely sweet and came over and chitchatted with us. I was babbling. "My fiance is from Israel, my ring is from Israel and maybe my dress will be from Israel!" Lalaland. Clearly, no dress could be better than this dress.

But, like the girl in my first paragraph, the dress was as wrong for me as the biker was for her. Sure, it felt good and I suppose she and I both daydream that we could fix this crazy, mixed up world so that we could be together (her with the biker, me with my Pnina dress), but we can't.

Why?

Oh, did I not mention is was ELEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS?

It's not the fault of the woman helping me at Kleinfeld's. When she asked me my budget, I said "I don't have one" because I thought I was already looking at the highest end dresses at like 6k. I was totally wrong. I was nowhere near the ceiling.

Also, and this part hurts the most--the dress and I are just not right for each other in the long run. The plan is, and has always been, to get married on or near a beach. Where am I going with my poufy dress? How poufy is it? Very:

Posting this pic brings me to one of my top pet peeves throughout this whole process--why do some gown stores, such as Kleinfeld's, not allow photographs (Kleinfeld's goes the extra mile and requests "no sketching"). It's entirely possible that had IC's mom taken a photo of me that day in my perfect Pnina dress that I would have looked at it every day and finally decided, to hell with right or wrong, I'm marrying the biker! Or, something. But I have no image to remind me how perfect that dress was on me and how I had never put on anything so beautiful. And, if I wanted to steal the design or "sketch" it, couldn't I just do it from the photograph on the website? So silly to ban photographs when a girl is trying to spend thousands and thousands on a dress. I might buy a dress from a place that doesn't allow pictures, but it's really unlikely. A purchase this expensive requires thought and consideration and staring at a photo of myself saying "I love this dress, this is the dress I will buy." And frankly, I look better in this dress than the model. Yes, I have a swelled head but really, I have boobs whereas the dress looks big or off-center on her. This picture does the dress no justice.

It took me a long time to get over the Pnina dress. Even now, I sometimes check the boards on Wedding Bee or Craigslist hoping someone is selling their Pnina, maybe at a fraction of the cost, and maybe we can make it work. I realize it's the equivalent of looking at the biker's Facebook and Twitter. But I'm trying to move on, I'm keeping busy, trying to look at other dresses--but you just never forget your first love.

Learn something wedding-related every day

2009-01-09T19:09:00.001-05:00

"Remember when it comes to wedding invitations, they should always be handwritten – even if it is a more informal wedding."

-Ritzy Bee.

Part 1: My dress search, a story in many parts

2009-01-09T11:55:00.006-05:00

When I shop, I am super decisive. That's hot, that sucks. I don't really have much range. I either love something or hate it, and if I'm even the slightest bit undecided, it goes into the hate it pile.

But dress shopping has been an entirely different experience. At the very start I got a glimpse into how helpful my mom was going to be when she said "every bride looks beautiful, just pick a dress." Thankfully, IC's mom is super straight-forward "that's ugly, take it off" and exactly the kind of person I need by my side when shopping for a purchase of this magnitude. She helped me figure out what styles look best on me, and she is really good at telling when something is just not for me.

But still, I am dress-less.

How did I get here? Let us recap.

I only started looking at dress photos after IC proposed. And I saw one right away that I liked a lot. It was Amsale and it just looked glamorous and different.

I went to their shop to try it on and stood in front of the mirror saying "I really think this is it." IC's mom snapped some pictures. I really thought "wow, I'm buying the first dress I tried on."

Then I got home and looked at the photos. And, I looked fat. Here's why that's weird: for most of my life, I was fat. Or, when I'm being charitable, big (really big) for my frame. I can tell you how it wasn't my fault that I teetered on size 14-16 in 2004, about how I had back surgery and had to eat laying down and couldn't even walk or do any excercise but the truth is I was always overweight. And despite that, I never really looked at myself in photos and thought "geez, I'm fat" like I did when I saw myself in this dress.

This is me in April 2002, not quite at my heaviest but definitely on the road there, with IC back when we were really, truly, swear to G-d, just friends (but as my mom said over New Years "I think you always loved her" to which he had no choice but to say "yes, always"), I've got rolls of fat showing and my arm is the size of a linebacker's but look at my face, and I don't just mean my double chin and huge cheeks--does that girl think she's fat? No way.

Today I am a very happy size 8. Would I be an even happier size 6? Or size 4? Sure, but I love my body and would rather have what I've got with minimal upkeep than be a regular gym-goer who only eats lettuce for a smaller size.

All of this is to say--why they hell am I feeling fat in my dream dress? I don't know. I guess it just doesn't fit right on me. Fine, here's my fat shot:

And lest you think it's in my head, here's me in another dress at Amsale, on the same day, which fits very nicely but ultimately isn't my style:

Tell me I don't look half the size.

So, back to the drawing board. Except I don't have a drawing board. Man, I wish I had a drawing board.

In love

2009-01-09T11:04:00.002-05:00

This is not wedding related, but I figure it's mostly chicks reading this blog so you all will understand my excitement. I bought Christian Louboutin shoes today for $110 at Saks (the discounts at Saks are pretty amazing, Bergdorf and Barney's less so. It's like they don't know there's a recession!). They're not the stiletto kind, which, while admittedly the hotness, look ridiculous when women look like they're about to topple in them, they're just really cute with a small heel and give me some adorable toe cleavage.

Ok, fine, FINE, I'll post a photo of them.

Images

2009-01-08T18:51:00.004-05:00

When we got engaged someone told me to start collecting wedding images that I like to help direct my wedding vision, or lack thereof. Maybe I'll see a veil or a place setting and want to duplicate it for my own. I tried to do that. But, well, I didn't get far.

I have, in total, three images:

I don't even remember what this is, or where I got it. Is it a cake? What I liked about is the flower. When I picture myself carrying flowers, they're blue and look sort of like that.

Then there are these two images, both by photographer David Wolfe in Grand Cayman. I really like his work and if Grand Cayman were to somehow work out (doubtful), he'd likely be our photographer. The first photo is taken at The Wharf, an incredible restaurant in GC. We had been there during our trip and could not rave enough about the food. I'm still thinking of the Wahoo I had there. I didn't even know it was The Wharf when I asked David where it was taken. It's just such a beautiful setting. It looks like what I imagine our reception will look like (except, for some reason, I prefer long rectangular tables to smaller round ones).

The second photo appeals to me because you can see some sort of floor and (I think) the ocean in the background. I'm still not sold on the whole ceremony in sand idea and I definitely don't want the reception to be on the beach. But if there were some way to have it very close to the beach as this reception appears to be, that would be my preference.

About the current favored venue

2009-01-07T17:36:00.004-05:00

There are a lot of aspects of Nikki Beach Turks&Caicos that I like. The photos look really beautiful, they would let us party all night following our wedding, it's secluded and it's small enough that we would be the great majority at the resort. But this article mentions some things I like...less.

"go-go dancer girls (shipped in weekly from Miami) sashaying to house music on the poolside bar."

I'm not sure what's worse, actually, the shipped in go-go dancer girls or the house music.

The rest of the article makes it sound like it's a disco-club with obnoxious rich people thrown in:

"It's the spearhead of an attempt to trade on the Turks' sun-soaked beauty while swapping the islands' sleepy reputation for more hardcore tropical partying.

...

Chillaxing aside, this is still Nikki Beach, home of infamous Sunday house music day parties, tabletop champagne fights, and Winter Music Conference celeb-DJ events, so better save sleeping for the plane ride home. And that better be a private flight, poseur. "

I like sleepy! And I don't think I've ever chillaxed.

It's still under consideration, obviously, but the major draw-back to booking a wedding so far away from home is that I won't get a chance to see what it's really like there. Maybe the go-go girls are good entertainment. And maybe the house music is played quietly as people relax. Oy. Maybe.

UPDATE: This writer visited Nikki Beach just last month and makes no mention of go-go girls or house music.

Spending the first thirty dollars

2009-01-07T15:11:00.005-05:00

I am about to make my very first wedding-related purchase (the only other wedding related items I own are The Knot's guide to destination weddings, purchased for me by my adorable and sweet future-sister-in-law and a Williams-Sonoma Bride&Groom Cookbook, an engagement gift from my cutie-pie friend Lisa) and it's two pairs of flip-flops. Blogger brides featured one of them and when I visited the ESNY bridal shoe site I saw another pair that I'd like.

As we're still not sure if we're getting married on the actual beach or just in an area overlooking the beach, I can't say whether I'd wear these during the ceremony. But they're cute enough that it's a possibility. Anyway, I could always use another pair of flip-flops and I'm picturing myself wearing these around the resort even if I do opt for regular shoes for the ceremony and reception.

Parameters

2009-01-07T12:08:00.004-05:00

The number one annoying thing people have been telling me is "it's your wedding, you can do whatever you want." Sure, I could. If I were a jerk.

When IC and I first started talking about getting married, a place I had been to long ago popped into my head. The Gran Hotel Bahía del Duque Resort in Tenerife, Spain, where I had been with my parents when I was sixteen. I just remember being wowed by it. It was so beautiful and majestic. I showed it to IC and he agreed it looked amazing.

And then we priced the flights.

Our plan from the start was to cover the room costs for our guests. I know, I know, insanity, but he is insistent that this is what we must do. But flight? They're on their own. Putting aside that rooms at Bahia are prohibitively expensive (and assuming we'd get a big enough discount on the group rate to make it fit our budget), flight to Tenerife from New York is well over a thousand dollars a person, with a layover.

So, yes, I could certainly say nuts to my guests and have them spend over two grand a couple to fly to Spain for 4 days to see us wed. But, realistically, we couldn't do that.

Same goes for Italy. IC and I spent a truly magical 10 days in Italy last summer, driving around in a convertible, insanely in love, in a country where the landscape, the people and the food suited us perfectly. It was the best trip of our lives. We'd daydream about getting married on the black sand beaches of Forte dei Marmi, with the glorious mountains providing the backdrop, or having our dinner reception at the best restaurant either of us had ever been to, ever, Bottega del 30. Our friends had rented a villa in Lucca, so we knew how spectacular the houses and location were, and we considered renting several villas to house our 80+ guests. It worked out to be well cheaper than any of the hotels we were considering. But the flight, again, was way too expensive and too long for a short trip.

Trying to keep the flight cost low, we started looking at Caribbean islands with direct flights--Aruba, St. Thomas, Puerto Rico. Each didn't work in some way. We were in Aruba over new years, and while we would happily return to one of the few islands with legalized poker (we both love poker and basically paid for our last two vacations--Vegas and Aruba with the IC's mad poker skillz) it just wasn't right for our wedding. For one thing, all the beaches are public so they tend to be very crowded. We were looking for something a little quieter with a more chill atmosphere. St. Thomas had pretty much the same problem. With the cruise ships come the crowds. Puerto Rico was a consideration but San Juan is more like a city on a beach than a resort town. We'd like something more secluded.

Our first trip together was to Grand Cayman, a little under a year ago. We stayed at the Westin Casuarina and had a great time. The island was beautiful, the food was incredible and we loved the soft-sand beach. But. But. We nicknamed GC "lockdown island" because of its never-ending rules. Thinking about having a wedding there only solidified the nickname. For example, all weddings outside must end at 10pm. What?! Say the ceremony is at 6. Cocktail hour, and then we sit down for dinner at 7:30. Two and a half hours and we're done? No, thanks. Also, GC does not allow music outside on Sundays and, as we're Jews who can't get married after sundown on Friday or before sunset on Saturday, this posed a problem. The hotels there tell us they could get us an exception for the ceremony but it's unlikely the government will grant one for the reception and, even if they do, the exception would state that we could create a playlist on an ipod and someone could hit start but no further touching of the ipod would be allowed and no dj could be present. Seriously.

I looked at lesser-known islands. Tortola, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, Barbuda, Bonaire. And then I sort of fell in love with the Four Seasons in Nevis. The flight was more than we'd like our guests to pay, $700 pp, but the hotel was giving us a good group rate and hello, it's the Four Seasons, you just know everything will be perfect. Then hurricane Omar hit it. Initial projections were that the hotel would be back to up and running by late February. Then March. Now late April. It just couldn't work.

And now? Now I'm into Nikki Beach Turks&Caicos. Again, the flight is more than we'd like (we were hoping for 500 bucks or less, direct flight. T&C is in the 650 range, some days there are no direct flights). Nikki Beach looks beautiful and with only 60, or so, rooms, our 80 guests in their 40 rooms would pretty much take over the place (and man oh man do I feel bad for those other 20 rooms when they encounter our Russian-Israeli fiesta). We're pricing everything out right now with fingers crossed. I'm told this is the hardest part, choosing a venue, and without a doubt it's been painfully difficult. But I do see that light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope it's not an incoming train.

Me, me, me

2009-01-06T19:18:00.000-05:00

I never thought I would get married. It wasn't that I had anything specific against the institution, in fact I wholly supported others doing it and doing it well, I just never envisioned myself wearing a ring, walking down the aisle and swearing to G-d I was going to love this person forever. At best, I thought, I might live with someone forever. Who needed the vows?

And then I fell in love with IC. We had been friends for 10+ years, best friends for about half that, and our relationship from day 1 was on a marriage track. It wasn't scary, like I thought it would be. It was the most normal, natural thing in the world and suddenly the vows really, really mattered. I want to marry this man in front of G-d, our families and our friends. I want to swear to be his forever and to take care of him in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer (wait, do Jews even do that? Whatever--I want to swear whatever Jews swear. And I think I want us to write our own vows too, just as soon as we nail down every other detail necessary to get a wedding going.)

Somewhere around week three of our relationship IC said "I know it's early but I have to ask you a couple of things." Did I want children? Would I take his last name? And, obviously, we'd have a destination wedding, right??

Right. Yes. Definitely a destination wedding.

We are close friends with a couple who had a destination wedding a few years ago in the Bahamas and it was just perfect. You're on a beach with your best friends for a weekend. Nothing could be better.

IC proposed this September past. We told everyone we wanted to get married asap. No reason to wait, we knew everything there was to know about each other and we wanted in. We talked about late February or early March. People laughed. It takes time to plan a wedding, they'd say. Pshah, time. We're in love! And it's basically just throwing a party. We don't care how it happens we just want it to happen. We started looking for venues, focusing on the Caribbean. The projected late Feb/early March date got pushed back to late March. Then late April. Then we found out that our religion, we're both Jews, doesn't allow weddings in late April ("Counting of the Omer"). And there's only one weekend left in April, the first weekend, where a wedding might be possible. Most of May is taken up with Omer Counting too and, anyway, Russian tradition (I was born in Russia, he was born in Israel, both live in New York for most of our lives, he represents Queens I was raised out in Brooklyn) discourages marrying in May (although turns out that's a widespread superstition). So now we're at June. Maybe. We're still hoping for that early April weekend to miraculously happen.

When I say I never wanted to get married, I mean it, to the point where I never pictured my wedding. I didn't know what kind of dress I wanted or what kind of flowers. I never pictured a setting or a color scheme. I had missed out on years and years of daydreaming and was now starting from scratch. I never mocked the girls who loved weddings and planned every detail of theirs by the time they were 8, but I had never wanted to be one of them either. Oh how I'd like to be them now.

It's over three months since the proposal and I have got, literally, nothing accomplished. Oh, I can tell you about every resort on every Caribbean island from St. Thomas to St. Vincent, Tortola to Tobago. But we don't have a venue (I'll illustrate the problems we've had finding one in future posts. Please, contain your anticipation!). I haven't picked a dress. I never even heard of engagement photos until like last week. I don't understand the concept of favors. I'm still unclear on the word "bustle".

This blog is here to help me work everything out. I have bored and annoyed my non-wedding-planning friends on Twitter, Facebook and my 18 other blogs (kidding, just the two others!) for long enough. It's now time to annoy and bore the masses, right here on my wedding blog. I hope you'll help. I really, really need it.